Episode 150. Why Hospitality Matters with Abby Turner

Unedited Transcript

Abby. Thank you so much for being here. Absolutely. I'm really excited to chat today. This is going to be really fun. And we already know that we're both achiever personalities. We're both. I'm, I'm walking down the path of writing. My first book. You just released your first book. So we have some stuff in common.

And as I was looking just at your feed and your book, I'm just, I'm excited about this conversation because. I know that we, we share some things and comment, and this is going to be really fun. So I, before we jump into the book, the living table, I want to hear a little bit more of your heart just around what holds us back from hosting, from having people over hospitality, sort of the, the, the wraparound bow of this conversation.

But I want you to sort of share your heart for this topic and why that's maybe hard for some of us. Just use, do your thing. Okay. Well, that's a very big, broad question. And so if I need to go into different things, call me out on it, but I really feel like, and I find that with people, um, one we desire to be with other people.

That's how God created us. He didn't desire us to be alone. That's why he made man. That's why he made woman. Um, and you see that laced throughout scripture from the beginning to the end that God did not want us to be alone. But I think that there is this underlying theme of, um, shame and, uh, feeling inadequate that Satan loves to build up in our minds.

Um, I think that that's why in Genesis, when they ate of the fruit, um, They didn't say they were naked and scared. It didn't say that they just were naked and they fled, it said that they were naked and ashamed. And I think that that is like the root of where kind of our hearts lie when we're alone or we feel isolated.

We feel, you know, not good enough inadequate ashamed of what we have. I think that a lot of times it's my house. Isn't good enough. My table's not big enough. My kids are too crazy. My dogs are too loud. Um, I live too far out. I'm not a good cook. Feeling of just I'm ashamed of who I am. I'm I'm not good enough.

I'm inadequate. And so I think that when we start to look at what hospitality truly is, and it's like the service of others, it's, um, putting, you know, service before self it's, thinking of the kingdom. Um, I often say, and I write in the book. That an invitation to dinner could be an invitation someone's invitation to heaven, um, that you don't know what kind of impact you're going to make when you bring people to the table.

We'll get into my love and passion for the table, probably in a minute. But, um, I think that when you look at the true character of God and his design for hospitality, It is to show love and to serve others. Um, if you look at the church's definition of hospitality in like how different ways you can volunteer in the church, hospitality manifest itself in a lot of different ways.

It can manifest itself in potlucks. It can manifest itself in like loving on people after the baptism. It can manifest itself in greeters. So it is just this like consistent service and outward expression of, of service and stuff. Um, but I think that what I find is in order to show that you have to lean real hard into guide in that character of God.

And a lot of times we're so stuck in. Feeling inadequate that we can't serve others because we haven't fully embraced who God has designed us to be. And so I think that that's kind of like that, that baseline foundation that, um, don't be ashamed of who God created you to be the person you're to be. Um, we need all sorts of, of flowers in the garden or herbs in the garden.

And they don't all look alike and they don't all taste the like, and they don't all do the same thing, but we need all of them. Right. Um, I think that when, when you're looking at who you are, um, to be confident in who God created you to be, and that even if hospitality, isn't your spiritual gift, as the church likes to call it, it can still be a discipline that calls us closer.

To look more like God and his character. Yeah, this is so good. So many good things. So first of all, I want to go back to somebody's invitation to dinner could also be their invitation to heaven that matters so much. Doesn't it like just not neglecting those small opportunities that we have to speak into people's lives to invite them into our lives and you know, something that.

I think I'm noticing about myself and I'm noticing in our family's life right now. I am married. We don't have kids yet, but, um, we're sort of in our first rental home, we've only been married a couple of years. And one thing that my husband and I share is we love hobbies. We love to cook. We love to paint.

We love to do all the things. There's always something going on at my house. And I was talking to a friend, not that long ago, just about. Sort of the culture of our homes. And, and I told her, I said, I think if you were to walk into my house, you would not be impressed by how clean it is. You would not be impressed necessarily by the design, but you would have a really good time and you would eat some really good food and you would feel really cared for.

And at the end of the day, I'm learning to let go of some of those things. That maybe the world would define as good hospitality. And I guess I've never thought about the fact that that's rooted so many times in shame that was really powerful for me. So I'm glad that you shared that. And I think, um, man, how much easier would it be for us to be hospitable?

Uh, if we were to let go of that, I've never thought about it that way. Yeah. And just the impact that the table has. And how many times do you want to pass the table in your home? How many times have, you know, listeners are probably like thinking about purchasing a home where they have a home and the dining room is no longer in the home.

It is now become open concept and we are sitting at bars instead of tables, and we are eating dinner on the couch or on the go instead of around the table. And. We just neglect, like the power that the table has. Um, it was the first piece of furniture that got actually instructs me and to make in the old Testament, um, they're building the tabernacle and the Lord kind of instructs them.

This is where I'm going to let, I'm going to stay in the Ark of the covenant, build this. This is, this is where I will be, but then I want you to build a table. And on that table, he said, you need to put a challenge and you need to put a bread plate. And he goes on to talk about what needs to go on the table and.

Just to sit there and go, wow, they did it have a tea. They didn't know what they were making. And they didn't know the significance or the importance you fast forward, you look at Jesus's ministry and he's doing the majority of his ministry around the table. And then you look at fast forward to revelation and God says, I, I'm not you in ushering you in to heaven to play kickball with me.

I'm not ushering you into heaven and giving you a bedroom. I'm ushering you into heaven and giving you a seat at my table. If the table is so important that in the first tabernacle, he said, it doesn't need to be a pew. It doesn't need to be an altar. It doesn't need to be a chair. It needs to be a table.

And then you see. Use that table over and over and over again. And then you see God say, I'm inviting you to my table. Why do we neglect it in our life? There is some significance to Satan that we need to be away from that table that we need to be isolated away from that table. And we don't need to be sitting there.

He knows that when we sit at that table, The spirit is there and God moves. That's why we're removing dining rooms. That's why we're sitting at bars. That's why we're, we're isolated more than ever, because Satan knows that that's a place of impact and we need to, we need to be thinking about that and we need to reclaim that table as a place of power.

Yeah, that's so good. Okay. The name of the book is called the living table, which I love so recipes and devotions for everyday get togethers, which is kind of what we've already been chatting about a little bit and the importance of the table. I would love for you to speak a little bit to the girl who.

Scrolls Pinterest all the time. And she feels the comparison of the people in her life that surround her and maybe their table feels pretty or better, bigger, whatever than hers. How do we begin to leave those Pinterest perfect pressures behind? Well, first off, our culture has done us a disservice when it comes to being in the kitchen.

And when it comes to setting the table, um, ma making it almost unattainable, uh, that level of perfection. And I think that what you, what you see throughout scripture, what you see. And like the gospel of hospitality with Mary and Martha is you see that God says it is not about the preparation. Jesus looks at her and says, stop worrying about what it looks like and get focused on your people.

So it's not about this presentation, it's not about this perfection. It needs to be about the people. And I would say to that, to that listener, that that doesn't think that their table or their home or their food is good enough or that they could ever achieve Pinterest perfection. Is that I was right there with you.

Um, I do. I believe that hospitality yes is a spiritual gift, but I also believe that it's a discipline and it is a discipline that we need to cultivate and work on. Just like if you were going to run a marathon, you don't go out tomorrow and run the 26 miles. You start by walking, you start by even purchasing the shoes, not even running.

And so when you look at the discipline of hospitality, um, it starts small maybe by even cleaning off your table, whether it has shoes or bills or purses or whatnot, like set your table. My table right now has, uh, a couple of plates and has. Cups and, and silverware on it because if somebody walks through my door, I want to be in a posture of obedience so that I can serve them if it were dirty or if there was other things on it, where would we sit?

Not at the table. Um, So that is just a practical application that I have, it kind of instigated in my own life. Um, but also I'm not a chef. I know that I just wrote a cookbook, but I'm not a chef. I'm not culinary trained. I didn't go to school for this. Um, I would hope that you read the introduction to the book and you.

See my story in that I was lonely. I am 32 and single today, um, and was 25 and single, when I, all of this kind of started happening and I was living in Birmingham, Alabama, and I was so lonely, probably the most lonely that I've ever been. And my mom said, you need to cook a meal for someone. And at that point I had a dropped leaf table that sat one, like it was yeah, tiny.

And, uh, I was like, no, well, I do the meal was terrible, but she wanted to come back. One person turned into two, turned into six, turned into a Bible study. It was the way that the Lord used that table to build my community. He doesn't want us to be alone. He doesn't want us to feel isolated. He doesn't want us to be go through life without our community.

And so. Creating and finding that community, I think is so important. Um, but I hope that you read the book, you look at the recipes and it's not, oh, she's a Martha Stewart or she's a Rachel Ray. No, I'm your best friend. I am the girl next door that is bringing really easy. My tried and true recipes, my family favorites and saying, I guarantee you can do these because a lot of them start with store bought.

Lean into your grocery store. We don't need to start with butter, sugar, and flour anymore because we have grocery stores that are doing a lot of the work for us at a very discounted cost. And so lean into that hard and focus on serving your people because that's where that's the heart of hospitality.

That's what God has designed us. Yeah. I just want to encourage you. The season that you're in is really hard. It's really, really hard. So I didn't get married until. So I was 27, I guess when I got married. Um, so good chunk of five, six years of adult life, living alone, leading and discipling girls in my church.

And that whole season that you're in the midst of right now. And I remember. And sometimes telling the story makes me teary. When I'm married, my husband, I moved like nine hours from everything I've ever known to the deep south we're in south Mississippi now, but I did live in Knoxville, Tennessee. So sec college town.

I was surrounded by college girls all the time. It was a complete and total blast. I led a Bible study for my home. I had girls over every week. There was my, my door was a revolving door. It always was, it was, it was such a fun season of life, but. I missed so much in that season because I was longing for marriage so much.

And I was just wondering when it was going to be my turn. And I was a bridesmaid nine times before I got a wedding of my own, all those things. Right. But I remember the first time that. I had a reason to go back to my old neighborhood. I was visiting family and I was meeting a friend for dinner at a restaurant, kind of in the midst of where I used to live.

And it was the first time that I had driven back into my neighborhood by myself. So I had this space in my car to like process it. You know what was going on in my heart. And I just remember, like, we'd be crying, thinking back over everything that God did and that season and how he moved around that table.

And in that condo. It was a little hard for me to see it then, but I look back now and I'm so thankful for what God did. And I think the season that you're in and the season that many of my listeners I know are in, um, it matters so much. God is using you in ways that will change as your life shifts and changes.

And man, I wish I would've had somebody look me in the eye and say, Don't miss don't. You dare miss what he's doing right now. Um, so I I'm real passionate about, about singleness, about the season that I know many of our people are in. And so that's why I was so excited about this conversation because even, even right where you are, hospitality matters to you, and I guarantee you that brings you so much joy, doesn't it to like invite people into your life.

Of course. And I, you know, I heard a pastor say probably four or five years ago that the, the God's provision for womanliness in the old Testament was marriage. And then God's provision for loneliness and the new Testament shifts and his provision becomes a holy place. Becomes the church becomes that community.

And I wrestled with that. I mean, I went to my pastor and I was like, I disagree hard with the statement, God designed me for marriage. That is the only way I will not be lonely is with marriage, you know? And I like really had to wrestle with that until I got to the point of yes. Do I desire to be married?

Yes. Do I desire to have kids? Absolutely. But I also sat with that statement. I'm the most full when I am with my people. If my people is a man in three and a half kids. Great. But if my full is my commute, if they're my community, They are the girls that I'm doing life with. If they are the girls and guys that I'm hanging out with on a regular basis, like then my heart's full with them.

But when I sit and I'm alone in my apartment and I allow the enemy to captivate my thoughts and say, no, no, no, you're not sitting in solitude with the Lord right now. You're sitting in isolation because you're lame because you're alone because you're single because you're not cool enough or you're not good enough.

You're not pretty enough. Successful w Nate insert your adjective and I, I can spiral into a vortex of emotions, but when I sit and I am alone in my apartment and I, I identify those moments as moments of solitude with the Lord and say, if I were married, I would have somebody here that I would have to share this with.

If I was married, had kids, I would have other people that I have to take care of right now. Then, then, then like savor this sweet time with the Lord, or even do something spontaneous with my friends or like, this is such a gift. And I think that when you, when you look at it as yes, I do have those desires.

But the, the more I draw closer to the Lord, the more my desires are going to line up with what he has for me in the next phase. And I love the verse in Psalms. It says, you know, you're a lamp into my feet. So all I have to do is look at my feet. He does not say, he's going to show you the landscape. He doesn't say, he's going to show you the road ahead.

He's going to show you the rocks or the gravel or the grass or the mud that you're walking through right now. And I've really had to sit with that in the last couple of years. Okay, God, I'm such a planner. I'm so type a, I love all of my lists, but I'm going to be a good steward right here, because scripture tells me that if I, so where I am, I'm going to reap dividends.

But if I don't, so where I am, then I'm not going to reap dividends. And so I'm going to sow right where I am with you, because I know that in the future, You're gonna, you're gonna bless me for that faithfulness and obedience. And so when you look at that in your, in your life and how you apply it, Put yourself in that posture of obedience of how, how you invite your community in you invite your community in, by being ready to say yes.

Is that yes. Open door is that yes. To sitting at the table, is that yes. To making a meal for, for a family that just had a baby, um, you know, for, for married couples, I read a quote the other day on Instagram and it said, Hey, Mary couples, don't forget about your single. Invite your single friends over. We want to be around families.

We want to be around kids. I have one of my dear friends is about 10 years older than me. And she has three kids under 10, and one of my favorite things to do. And she laughs that it's one of my favorite things to do, but I love to go pick up her kids from school. Go pick up dinner at the grocery store and make dinner with her.

I w I looked at her house, not at my house at her house. So I essentially feed her family of five and do everything. And she's like, you're like our little nanny. And I'm like, no, I'm like the fun aunt that comes over every once in a while and hangs out with your kids. And, but I love that it fill, it, fills my cup and I'm able to serve others in the same way.

Married people. Don't. Don't be discouraged or embarrassed or a little iffy. Should I invite my friends over my single friends over because I don't, I don't want to make them feel bad. No, we want to be around you. Don't don't think of us as having the plague. Um, we want to be as much a part of anything as anyone else.

Yeah, I agree. I had a family that really invested in me the last few years when I was single and. Coolest part about my friendship with them was I saw a little bit behind the curtain of marriage and of motherhood that a lot of people just didn't let me see as a single woman. And, you know, we would, we were running buddies, so we would go run early in the mornings and, um, we lived super close.

So I was very invested in her children's lives as well. And they would invite me over for dinner and, and we would talk about like, yeah, I completely lost. Lost it on these kids today, but like, here's how I reconciled that. Or we're going through a tough decision in our marriage, but like here's how we're working through it.

Yeah. Uh, that just provided for me, such a beautiful model of like what I, not only what I desire in marriage and future motherhood, but then also like who I want to be for my single friends now. And God's beginning to give me those opportunities to be the Gina that I needed five years ago. And that's just such a beautiful thing to like, watch.

Continue to unfold. And so yeah, those friendships matter so much to me. So I love it so fun. Okay. I want to hear, uh, we're gonna talk about the book just a little bit more before we go on over to Patrion. So. There's recipes. There's devotions. It's so beautiful. I want you to tell people, like, what's one of your favorite things about, about the book, a recipe, a thought.

Tell me all about it. Yeah. You know, but the book is, is designed to not only inspire you in the kitchen, but also inspired moments for you to bring people into your home. Um, that's one of the biggest challenges that I hear from people. Okay. I don't know how to invite people over on a Tuesday night for dinner.

It's way easier to say, Hey, come watch a movie. Hey, let's have a game night. Hey, let's do a pool party. Like it's so much easier to create little what I call micro moments in life than it is just to say. Okay. Do you want to come over for brunch? Because that just, for some reason, mealtime feels a little formal when you ask somebody to come over for dinner.

But if you're watching a movie that feels a little, I mean, there's a fame to that. We all feel a little bit better with the theme. That's why the majority of Pinterest pins are all themed. Um, but I think that that's one of my favorite things about the book is that it is, it is broken up into five different tables.

So the table that serves and celebrates and parties and. And in that there are a little devotions. Yeah. How we can really arm ourselves with the character of that. We can begin to imitate who he is and learn who, who the Lord truly is in this like frame of hospitality. Um, but also in those chapters there, I broke it up, not by meal type, not by appetizer dessert, main core salad drink, but by, by a party or moment.

So like pool party or Galentine's, or, you know, just. Fun fun ways that you can be inspired to bring people into your, into your space. Um, without it feeling like a formal dinner or a formal party, um, it can, it can just be a hangout because, you know, and there's, there's something to the big moments, the anniversaries, the birthdays, the holidays, but then there's, I think true connection, like intimate connection sometimes forms on the, on the Tuesday nights around the Thursday afternoons.

Yeah, I love that. That's so good. Okay. So before we go do our bonus interview on Patrion, which I'm really excited for people to get to know you a little better. I want you to tell people where can they grab the book? Where can they learn more from you, connect with you online? Tell us. Yeah, so you can get the book, wherever books are sold.

So like Amazon, walmart.com, all of that in Barnes and noble. Um, and I think that I was told that it's in like the spiritual section or the religious section. It's not in the cookbook section. So if you like go into stores, make sure maybe if you're looking for it, check both sections or something. I dunno, but I, um, am on Instagram and Facebook and pictures.

At a tabletop affair. I also have a weekly newsletter that goes out. If you want to subscribe to that with just the same content that comes in the book, what you just get it weekly, um, over@atabletopaffair.com. Um, and then on Sunday nights I have a Sunday separate club, um, that usually happens at like 9:00 PM central and we just cook a meal and it's like 20 minutes.

They are never longer than 20. And they are very short and very sweet, but I kind of show, um, kind of pull back the curtains and say, this is how dinner should be. I know that my Instagram looks perfect and it's curated and that's because I love food styling and I know love photography. Um, but that's not how food looks when I sit down at the table.

And so it's kind of like a pull back the curtain. Um, and this Sunday, we're making a, um, we're making a bruschetta chicken baked, which is so fun. Every Sunday, it's something different and it's so fun. I love that. That's so creative. How fun. Okay. I want everybody to go check that out. And what we're going to do now is go get to know Abby just a little bit better over on Patrion.

So join us over there. If you are a bonus subscriber on Patrion, but for now, Abby, I've loved talking with you.