Episode 168. 12 Books of Christmas Day 5: How Every Small Kindness Makes a Big Impact with Becky Keife
Becky. Thank you so much for being my guest today. I'm so excited. Oh, thank you for having me. I'm looking forward to this conversation. I know me too. I was so excited to have you be a part of our 12 books of Christmas series. This is always so fun because we pick 12 authors that we know and love that we didn't get to get to during the year, but they had really great books that we want our people to know about.
And, um, we feature one a day from, I think it's. What December 13th, all the way through Christmas day. And then we give away a copy of every single one of them to one of our podcast listeners. So it's always super fun around here during Christmas. And I'm super excited to have you Becky be a part of that.
And because it's Christmas time when this is going to be airing, I love getting to talk for just a few minutes about Christmas, which is always fun. So to kind of kick us off Becky, I want to hear, like, what did Christmas look like for you? Um, and your family when you were. Oh, that's so fun to think about.
Um, I have two older sisters and I basically grew up with my mom. And so I remember we would always go to the same corner, Christmas tree, lot to pick out our fresh Christmas tree. Um, there was always like singing Christmas carols. There was definitely some fighting and bickering too, because you know, it's going to get shotgun.
I always wanted a certain kind of Christmas tree. I love like the brew blue spruce, one of my other sisters, like the other kind. So it wasn't, you know, it wasn't perfect, but I just, that was the traditional, we would go there and then we would come home. Blast Christmas music, Harry Connick, Jr. And pull out all of the ornaments.
And we would set them before we started decorating with sent them out all on trays so we could all see them. And, um, sometimes we would sit and string popcorn, but just, you know, decorating as a family with that Christmas music going was definitely a memory that, um, I think about every single Christmas.
Mm that's so fun. I love that. You say Harry Connick Jr. So like six weeks ago, which I think I told you my husband and I live close to Jackson, Mississippi, and he's a new Orleans guy. Right. And so he did a concert in Jackson about six weeks ago. And I didn't even know about it, but we had some friends call and they had some friends back out last minute.
And anyway, they had two tickets and I got to go with my mother-in-law. It was Becky. It was like one of the best concerts of my life. It was so good. They are incredible. His band is unbelievable. And I think it felt kind of like a hometown crowd for him because he was so close to new Orleans. And I think because like, I don't know, I just haven't been to a concert since before the pandemic and it right in front of junior, it was just everything of my dreams.
I love his Christmas music. It's. Uh, it feels like home. So I love that. You just can't, you just can't beat that album. I know. I know. It's so good. So when it's Christmas time in your family, whether that's like something you look back on from your childhood or even something that you do with your family now, is there something that you fix like food wise at Christmas that you think like, man, it's not Christmas without.
It's not Christmas without the checks mix. Oh, okay. What, tell me about your text mix. Okay. Well, I don't even make it, my sister does. And if Andy doesn't make the checks mix, no, it's not Christmas. It's just like, it's just the classic, like, you know, different types of checks and, um, those little, like, almost like flat like crew Taane type little like bread pieces.
Yes. Those are the best, um, plenty of cashews. Um, peanuts, if you want. Pretzel sticks. She started putting in like gold fish for like when we all started having kids, but just it's snacky and savory. And we like playing lots of games as a family. And so to have like both of Tex mix as we're playing cards at the table and not Christmas without the checks.
Yeah, man. I could just, I could eat so much and I have eaten in the past. It's just the best snack and, and I never eat it at any other time, except for around the holidays. So exactly. Yeah. I mean, it would be a good snack all year long, but like, no, you like make a big batch for Christmas and yeah, it feels like a family gathering.
Um, my grandfather makes a kind. Bugles. Do you remember bugles? I do remember bugles that's. I haven't thought of that or tasted that me it's the only time of year that I eat bugles, but he puts beagles in his checks mix and there's, they're super salty. There's just something about it. I mean, when I think checks mix, that's the kind of checks mix I think of.
And so I always tell people that it's a good addition. If you want something new. So. Right. I'm not sure I'm ready to deviate from the class. I get it. Listen, I get it. I get it. It is fun. I just, I love that. I love traditions. I love hearing what people do with their families. It's just so fun to think about, especially when people are hearing this around the holiday.
So I am also so excited to have you on to talk about your new book, Becky it's called the simple difference, how every small kindness makes a big impact and. I know a little bit of your heart behind it, my listeners don't. So I would love for you to just jump off and tell us a little bit kind of the story behind this book.
Yeah. So kind of like the very first spark of this book happened many years ago. Um, I have three boys and at the time they were probably like six, five and three, and it was a summer day and I was like, okay. I like two. Mentally emotionally to be like, we're going to go to the library, which doesn't seem like a big deal.
But when you have spirited active children, like it can be a big deal. It can be a thing. Um, and I got the time, the summer hours wrong and I, and we got there and the library was not open yet. And so I was like, oh, do we go home? Do we come back? Do we just wait it out? I mean, It was only eight minutes, but those eight minutes can feel kind of like a mini lifetime.
So how we're waiting. We're like the first people there and then slowly over those eight minutes as my children are. Opening cupboards and exploring things and asking a million questions and, you know, there's more people coming in and I just had that sense of like, everyone is looking at us. Yes. Um, and my kids weren't doing, they weren't being bad.
They just were curious and ANSI and waiting. Anyhow, when those double glass doors finally slid open for us to walk in, you know, and running my kids again, you know, inside voices, you know, walking slowly, please. And this woman caught my eye and I could tell that she had been watching us and she was like, oh, it's going to be a long summer.
And I was like, uh, yeah, it is. And then she said something, Rebecca, I'll never forget. She said, but you're doing a really great job. I'm glad that you're here. And when I was bracing myself for a stranger. Critique. And instead was met with the kindness of a simple word of encouragement. It changed my whole day and that's like, not even an overstatement or even say it changed my week, like that stuck with me because that woman had no idea that I was really struggling in motherhood.
I was struggling with feeling like I was doing a good enough job. I was also struggling with some anxiety. Yeah. I was kind of just floundering in my life and to have someone just speak that word of like, you're doing a good job over me. It just made this lasting mark. And it started me thinking about how are those simple things that maybe she probably didn't even think of it again.
And yet it impacted me in a deep way and it made me start thinking I want to be that kind of person. I want to be the kind of person who right. Where I am, I'm aware. I am seeing the people in front of me so that God could use me as that conduit of his kindness and encouragement. So that's really the beginning of the simple, direct.
Yeah, I love that. And I've told you the specie, but I think we all have moments that we can think back on in our lives, where somebody stepped up and listened to the prompting of the holy spirit. And they said that thing, whatever that was, you're a good mom. You're I, I see you loving these kids. Well, you're taking care of that parent.
It's your job and you're doing a great job and whatever that is for you, we can think back of examples where people have done that for us, but I'm so challenged of how many moments like that, that I've missed in my own life. And I know that God has just done such a work in me over the last couple of years, especially throughout the pandemic to make me more aware of those moments.
And that's what we're going to talk a little bit about today and something. Challenged me that you talk about in the book is seeing more, instead of doing more. I know a lot of my people and myself included are doers. I've any personality test I've ever taken in my life has labeled manned achiever. And so that's, that's kind of who you're talking to.
Those are your people and that you're raising your hand back. You people can't see that. So it sounds like maybe you have a little bit of that bent towards you as well. And so. Let's talk about this whole, seeing more, instead of doing more thing, when you unpack that with us. Yes. When I was raising my hand because yes, achiever, Dewar and Ingram three right here.
And so what I pick up a book, especially when I'm like, okay, the big impact of small kindness, like even for myself, I'm expecting, okay, this is going to help me to live better, do better, add something to my checklist that I can then happily check off and feel productive. What am I speaking your language?
Um, and so I think it's important. Yes. Like I hope that we will be. Effective and responsive to the holy spirit. And he is going to ask us to do things, but it first starts with seeing more. And by that I see it. It's kind of in three areas, this message is going to help us see more of the people in front of us.
See more of God's lavish love for us and see more of the holy Spirit's power within us. Yeah, because if we just start with the doing great, like yes, like bringing your neighbors trash cans. Pay for the, you know, Starbucks in the person behind you in line, hold the door like doing is part of the expression of our faith.
But if we, if we miss the heart of it, the heart of the fact that we love, because God first loved us, we can extend undeserved kindness to others because that's the only kind of kindness we've received from God is undeserved. We do not deserve it. And yet he pours it out freely. And when we see. The power of the holy spirit within us.
We are acknowledging that I don't have enough often to make a difference, but God, but I can be faithful and obedient with my small word, with my small offering, with my small bit of time. And I can trust him for the hour. And so that's what I mean by seeing more like, we need to start there seeing that the people in front of us are made in God's image, whether we agree with them on breech, YZ, or not, whether they irritate you or not, whether they vote the same way as you or not, whether they school, their kids the same way as you school, your kids or not.
We are each made in the image of God. And I'll tell you what Rebecca, when I put on that, Yeah, as I'm going to church, as I'm scrolling Facebook, as I'm waiting in line, you know, at the post office, it changes the way I then do life the way I then do love, but it starts with seeing. Yeah, that's so good. And the thing that happens when we're aware and we, and we take that step is it doesn't just impact us.
Right? You talk about in the books, sort of the ripple effect that kindness can have not just in our life and how God blesses us when we bless and encourage other people. But I mean, even for you, Becky, that moment where that person at the library encouraged you in front of your children, That not only had an impact on you, but it, it had an impact on probably your confidence as a mom moving forward in that day and throughout the rest of that week, which in turn had an impact on your kids.
Right. And so just to encourage us as. You know, we're moving forward. Maybe listeners are thinking, man, I've, I've missed out on so much, but like today is the day, right? Like today we get to choose. Right. We get to choose to be aware of those moments in the future. So talk about kind of that ripple effect that happens when we take those steps of kindness.
Yeah. They, they are. They're powerful and yeah. So not only did that one. Remark impact me, but like you said, it had the ripple effect onto my children. It also had the ripple effect onto the fact that then I was, uh, compelled to be that encourager for others, even in my own weariness to look for another mom or just another person, like wherever.
And think, okay, this is how I feel. Who else needs to know that you're doing a good job, you know, that you made that latte. Great. Thank you for smiling, Mr. Crossing guard, as you walk us across the street every day. I thank you for showing up. Thank you for being here. I mean, To anybody, to your coworkers, to your spouse, to your gardener, to, um, you know, the people that you serve, you know, you know, thank you for being here.
Like that was the ripple effect in my life. And we don't always get to see every single ripple, but I trust and believe that as I have spoken those words of encouragement and life to others, No doubt then that has encouraged them and emboldened them to do the same and on and on those ripples go. And it happens with other areas, not just words of encouragement.
Another thing I talk about in the book is the kindness of prayer. We can often think about when we're wanting to make an impact to, you know, I don't know about you, but these words have slipped from my mouth when someone is going through a crisis or something's happening. I'm like, ah, I wish there was more I could do because we're doers, but at least.
Guess what friends? Prayer is not, does not deserve to go in the least column. It is not. Our last resort is the best first response. And so I've seen the ripple of this when I've experienced the kindness of someone stopping to pray for me in the moment, not just like, I'll like, oh, I hear you. Like, I'll pray for you, but.
Right now, right where we are, like, whether that's in the church pew or in the frozen food aisle or in my backyard, like the kindness of someone taking my concerns straight to God. Yeah. It's powerful. And then the ripple of that has been to embrace my own feelings of awkwardness and do that for someone else.
Hey, can I stop and pray for you right now? And, and so then the ripples go on because we see that doesn't really matter how I feel or if I have eloquent words, but I'm going to show the kindness of praying for someone in the moment and know that this is not the least I can do. It's actually the very best I can do.
And so those are just a couple examples of how these ripples, um, I believe really can start to create waves of change. If we were all to do this, our one small thing. I think people's lives and, and our cities, our culture can, can begin to be transformed by the love and kindness of Christ. Yeah, I do too, Becky and I have tried to be so much more aware of those moments where God allows me the opportunity to pray for others.
I just want to stop there for a second because you're so right. I can't think of a time in my life where somebody. Took that step, like you're saying of, no, I'm not just going to tell you that I'm going to pray for you. I'm going to stop right now. We're going to start what we're doing and I'm gonna pray right now with you in person.
I can't think of a time where that didn't just totally shift my situation, even if it was just like a renewal of like my strength, right? Like, yes, I have never had somebody do that for me. And it not totally. Totally shift something in me, whether even if it was just emotionally or it lifted my spirits, et cetera.
And, um, I think sometimes we think like, oh, I wonder what they would think if I maybe said that or, or, you know, and so I'm thinking of all the things that people are thinking in their minds when they, when they think about praying on the spot for somebody. And I just wanna encourage you, like taking that step is never not going to be.
A blessing to them, and God has never not going to honor that, you know, like, and so I just want to encourage you there because I think you are so right. I think so many times we can think of prayer as like, oh, well that's maybe the only thing I can offer when that is just the most powerful thing we could possibly offer or extend anyone.
So I love that you bring that up and I love that you talk about that in the book, because I think it matters so much. And on the same note, It's easy to get in a conversation like this and talk about these moments of kindness and think like, okay, well, yeah, but that doesn't really feel like it matters.
And. I want to talk about starting small and, uh, and about the impact of those small moments when we do take advantage of them. And we do take that step of obedience. So let's talk about how kindness doesn't have to be about grand gestures. You and I, knowing your personality, we love a grand gesture.
You're all about a grand gesture. We're all about giving and receiving grand gestures. If you're anything like me. And so I want you to talk to listeners about how that is not so much what we're at. Yeah, it's not, and there's nothing wrong with the grand gesture, nothing. Right. But I think that that can become a barrier, a stumbling block because we started to think about, okay.
Okay. The Lord has brought a new friend to my life or. There's a neighbor that I think I would really like to reach out to, and then the wheels start turning and we're like, okay, well, you know, maybe I can invite them over and I'll have a charcuterie board and, and wait, I need to get some, some really fancy sparkling waters.
And I should probably clean the house and maybe I should get some fresh flowers and maybe then I should write them, you know, five verses of encouragement and. And then we think I have a life. I don't have time to make a short coonery board. And all I have is my, is my messy house and my store-bought coffee.
And maybe that's not enough. And so then we default to doing nothing. And so I have, like you said, like w we will never regret stopping to pray with someone I've never regretted when I dialed it down and was like, okay, what is the one small way that I can be a blessing in someone's day? With exactly what I have right.
Where I am. So for example, I actually recently had, um, a neighbor who, um, was on my heart. We've lived in our house for eight years. We've only done more than like wave. Hello, you know, from our driveways. So one, it's a little awkward to be like, hi, I live over there of the three boys. Uh, what's your name?
Like? We lived here for eight years, but that's my. Encouraging me to do and to just initiate a friendship, but I didn't have a lot of time. I didn't have a lot of margin. I didn't want to clean my house. And so I was like, how can I make this simple? And so I went over with a card with my phone number and a name, my name, and I said, Hey, I would just love to get to know you.
Would you like to come and have coffee in my backyard at 9:00 AM on Thursday or Friday? I made it simple. I did not have to clean my house. She'd don't even come into my house. I just met her at the side gate and I just had two cups of coffee and we just sat for 45 minutes. And it was the beginning of something more, but I didn't have to overcomplicate what it meant to reach out and show someone that they matter and extend a little bit of my life.
Yeah, that's so good. Especially right now, when people listen to this, it's going to be the holiday season, which is a habitually, a very busy season for all of us. And so I think there's power in stopping there of like remembering that it doesn't have to be grand. I think that's a great example. I just want to call.
Bye mom. So we talked, um, I'm visiting my parents this week in Tennessee and I've the last couple of mornings. I went on a walk with my mom, first thing, um, kind of just at daybreak. And I have been so challenged by her. She knows every single person that walks at the park that we walk out and like, And specifically, there was a couple this morning that we stopped and talked to for a few minutes and jokingly after we kind of passed them and we kept walking, she said, you know, I was, I was over here with your dad.
And we knew that that guy, um, was in the medical field and we, we thought he was a pharmacist. So we kind of just started calling him pharmacist guy, like pharmacist guy. And we talked about the Tennessee football game and we caught up about this and that. And she said that. There came a day where I was like, My husband and I call you pharmacist guy, but I want to know your real name.
So like, what's your real name? I see you every single morning at the park, and now they have this like sweet friendship where they talk about sec football and they're precious. And I was just challenged by that because there are so many spaces in our lives where we have the opportunity to speak into somebody's life.
On a daily basis that we see all the time and we just don't take advantage of that. And so I've been even challenged by her this week, watching her do that. Um, even in something just as simple as where she goes on her walk every morning, you know? Yeah. Yes. And that goes right along with, like I shared with you, but like the kind of like simple difference prayer that I pray all the time is Lord as I go on my way, have your way with me.
And it's that posture that. God that you, I believe that you are present and that you can and want to use me right in the middle of my ordinary life. And especially right now around the holidays, we think like, I don't, I don't have time. I don't have money. I don't have anything extra to give that's. Okay.
Because as you're going on your morning, As you're running to the grocery store and standing that long line or about two, you could think about, oh, this person just came to my mind. I'm at texts that friend and say, Hey, I'm at the grocery store. Like, what do you need? Let me save you a trip. Like you can, you know, make eye contact with that cashier and ask her name.
Hey, I recognize you. Like I'm in your line of. What's your, what's your name? Um, I just think that like being human being available, like just connecting with people, I'm sure that that made pharmacist guy be like, oh, like she noticed me and then that builds like that sweet rapport. And again, it doesn't have to be complicated.
I'll tell you one more little story about my neighbor. So. Continually compelled to like, just invest in her life. And, um, a few weeks ago I had some family in town and my aunt and uncle came over for dinner and they brought over this delicious chocolate cake and we only had a little bit of it and the rest was left and I'm like, I, I could eat this whole thing.
I should not eat this whole thing. And later that day, um, I just was thinking about my neighbor or. Yeah, she lives alone and I'm like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I don't know if she likes chocolate cake, but I'm gonna take her over. Yeah. I just walked across the street. I didn't make it. I didn't even buy it, but I just thought, Hey, I was thinking of you today, do you happen to like chocolate cake?
And she was like, yes, like, and she was the kindness of being thought of the kindness of being thought of so right where you are with exactly what you have. You can be a conduit of God's kindness by just reminding someone, Hey, you, you matter, I'm glad that you're here. Yeah, that's so good. I am so excited about the message of this book and I'm so excited to see what God does with it.
As we all just, um, try to be. Not, not out of striving, but just, we try to be more aware of these moments in our lives. I'm so excited about that. And Becky, I don't want to miss the opportunity for you to share a little bit about the Bible study version of this book. Will you share that with listeners?
Yeah. Thank you for asking. So, um, we also have a companion Bible study. It's called courageous kindness. Liv, the simple difference, right? Where you are. Um, it compliments the book, but you can, you don't have to do them simultaneously. You don't have to read the book before you do the Bible study. So if you're like that book sounds great.
I don't have time it's Christmas, but you are thinking about, yeah. I wanted to do a Bible study, come January with my small group at my church on your own. Um, courageous kindness. It's exactly that it's helping us to really dig into scripture. What does the kindness of God look like? How does that compare to.
To live from the fullness of who God is and take advantage of those everyday moments. Um, it's in partnership with encourage. And so you will get stories from some of our encourage writers to hear from, from real women. Okay. What does this look like in your life? How have small kindnesses made an impact on you?
When has God asked us to be a little awkward. Get courageous and do something outside of our comfort zone, again, not out of our own striving, but to see what he is going to do. And so I'm just this Bible study is it's available wherever you buy Bibles and books, and it's called courageous kindness. And I really think that, um, it will bless you and equip you, um, to live a life of, of making a small difference, right?
Where. Yeah, I completely agree. Becky. I'm so excited about it and I can't wait for listeners to go get their hands on it. And for one of our listeners to win a copy of it as a part of the 12 books at Christmas, which will be so fun. So I can't wait for that. And Becky, I'm so excited to get to know you a little better over on our Patrion community.
So for our listeners who, and are subscribed over there, make sure you go check that out. But Becky, I just want to say a huge thank you for your time today and for this message. I'm just so excited. Oh, thank you for just, yeah. Letting me share. And just for saying that it resonates and that it's, and that it's needed.
And I'll tell you what, like I'm in, I'm encouraged and challenged every day. Like, Lord, help me to keep living this out because it's not like a, a one and done kind of thing. It's a posture to say like, God, yes, every day as I go on my way, have your way with me. And when we do that, we will be different than.
Yeah, that's so good. Well, friend, I'm so grateful for you. Thank you so much for your time.
