Episode 154. Face Off With Your Feelings with Jessica Hottle

Unedited Transcript

Jess. I am so excited to have you back on the show today. Thank you for joining me. I'm so glad to be back. This is so fun. I have loved just catching up with you. We've been talking for 40 minutes, which is what happens when people like us get together and we haven't chatted for awhile. And I'm so excited to talk about your new book.

It's called face off with your feelings. Break up with the lies from your past and embrace truth for your future. I can't think of a better topic or a better person. To like mesh together for this message to come into the world. And I'm just so excited to hear all about it. So I know that this has been such a hard fought for message for you.

And I know as any author says, our books come from like the deepest places in our hearts. Right. And so I want to hear kind of your heart behind this message. Yeah. Well, I was telling you before, and you know, I started this book in 2019 and it started out as a two-part books. I wanted to talk about health and healing.

That was the goal because I felt like, you know, when we're talking about body and we're talking about healing physically or emotionally, when we're talking about food and fitness, it's, it's never in one spot. And that was my goal. I was like, I'm going to make a book that has all of, it's like a one-stop shop for healing and health.

Well, Went to pitch it. Of course it was no-go, no-go tons of nos and not right now. So I was like, okay, uh, well let me just rewrite it. So I took the two-part book, put it into one. Pitched it again, got some more feedback, got a lot of nos. And finally I was like, you know what? Okay. Like, I'm not going to wait to put out this message.

I rewrote it about two more times and it ended with this message and the title. Usually I have the title. Almost in the beginning of what I want to say. The title was a last thing. Cause I was like, what is it going to be? And I was with my friend and we just started thinking about my personality and how I'm like, I'm not in your face, but I'm like challenging all the time.

Right. Slogans is like challenged the way you think to change the way you live. And so face off with your feelings really came. And it was because I want women to be bold and to be courageous and have the strength and the, you know, that courage to be able to face with their face off with what they're feeling so that they don't become run by their feelings, that the, the, that their feelings are not their identity.

And then the subtitle breakup is really about, so you face off so that you can break them. Yeah, right. You want to break up with the lies that have been holding you down or making you feel small, or just even about your past and past pain and everything that you've experienced. So this book is really about healing, emotional healing, and it's something that we put on the back burner.

We don't create space for. We think that God doesn't care or we've been told. That we shouldn't feel. And that's very important to me. I fall in the middle where yes, I want women to experience their feelings, but I also don't want them to be run by them. And I think there's two different cultures that say, just be what you feel and it's okay.

And then the other side is feelings are bad and you shouldn't have them. And I'm in the middle of saying. We have feelings, God created our bodies. Therefore he created the emotions and feelings that we have, but how do we put them into submission and how do we take our thoughts captive. Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting to think that there is sort of a spectrum of how people feel, but then when we look at scripture and we think about.

I mean just basic things that we find in scripture. Like we have the mind of Christ when we are a follower of Jesus, we are commanded to take our thoughts captive. There's so much that scripture talks about in terms of, um, maybe it doesn't directly say our feelings, but that's, that's really what it's getting at.

Right. And so I think that's so good. And I'm so proud of you. Like, I know what this book required of you and I just, I. I'm so excited for it to get out into the world. Didn't you and Michelle do like a, like a recommissioning who you like way. I remember seeing that and I was like, man, I would want to be in that's so funny Myers, if you guys don't know Michelle Myers, so she works his way.

I've known her for so many years and I was like, Michelle, I need your help. Cause she's amazing at, I mean, she went through. The StoryBrand process. I mean, she's just phenomenal at putting words together. And she was. The original graphic that I had designed by my brother-in-law, which you will get to see, but it was going to be the cover.

And she's like the cover doesn't match the feeling of the book. And he was like, I feel like you're more punchy. And like, based off of your feelings, it's more your personality. And this is really just a book. If you want your soul to be right. Yeah, that, I mean, that is really, if you have suffered, if you've been striving, if you feel exhausted and overwhelmed and you've ran from your feelings for too long, this book is for you.

It's so good. It's so good. Our people will have heard of Michelle by this point because we are having her in summer on to talk about their book that comes out in October. So we've just heard from them when people listen to this. So that's really fun. I love that. Yeah. Okay. So one of the things that stuck out to me as I was reading through part of the book was.

How much do you talk about how our past is tied to our feelings? Um, will you unpack that a little bit with listeners? Yeah. I think to understand it in a basic sense, which is what I love to understand is, you know, we often try to run from her past high from her past or speak as our past and exist because it comes with shame and guilt.

We should have. Right, but we are, so our feelings are so tied to our past because our memories come with us and that's our root system. I talk about this kind of in the book. And I walked through this process of roots and trees and branches and the fruit we bear determines the root we carry. Right. And so what is our root system made of?

Is it made of God's word? Is it made of memories? Is it made of pain? It's made of all of those things, joy memories, but it's really, our past is so. Important for our present because of trauma that doesn't leave our body it's chemically brained. It alters our brain. Uh, like I said, chemically. Transforms the way we respond and react.

And like I said, it changes and alters our brand the way that we think we can't just escape our past. It's, it's not something that we can brush under the rug anymore because it's impacting how we view the world, how we see each other. Typically because of how we were raised or what somebody said to us or how we were treated.

And it's a perfect example of, this is how we view the father. You know, if we had an abusive dad or abusive parent, we think that God is that same kind of God. Right? And so if we look at our past, we can see how we view the future in the, in the present, because most of us living in the present are we actually living from past situations and scenarios?

With that lens. That's so, so good. So if somebody is listening today and they're like, okay, yeah, that's me. Other than going and grabbing the book and like reading the real, real and all the things like what if they're listening today? Like what's a practical step that they can take today to, to really begin taking steps forward towards you.

Yeah. What I, what I love about this is I was actually thinking about this question and I had just created an Instagram post yesterday, and you can follow me at Jessica huddle, but I actually created seven things to do, to take care of your feelings, seven ways to take care of your feelings. And I'm just going to read them to you because this is really important when we're thinking about healing.

The first one is you go to God before anyone. Yeah. Because a lot of times we want to run to other people. We want to start talking about it and which sometimes we need to verbally process that's me. I'm a verbally processing person, but typically I journal about it. First read all the things before I go to that person.

So I have a clear mind or clear both sides, not one side. So that's number one. The second one is don't try to pray them away. I think I often say that scripture is not abandoned. We don't just like, get cut and then put the bandaid on and then put ointment on. It doesn't make sense. Right? We're not going to do that.

And we often do that with scripture. Scripture should be in our hearts, that it flows out of her mouth. And so we don't want to just go, well, God, just take it away, take it away, take it away. We want to actually. Process through it. We don't want it to be taken away. We want to be taken through it. And that's probably the hardest thing to be able to confront pain, to be able to confront, you know, unforgiveness and the things that people have done.

But it's the very thing that will set us free because God already did everything. He said, it's done. Jesus sent his son so that we could have this life with Christ and be free from the bondage of this world and from our fields. Right. Does it erase it? I know it sounds super easy, but it does take time, but it's so worth it.

Number three is take responsibility. I think that one's hard for us because we're like, well, this person did this and that person did this, which can all be true. But the reality is is that we can't blame others for our own personal feelings. Yeah, because we have the choice to choose how we respond. We react how we heal.

How we look at other people that is something that we do have control over that we can take responsibility for. Now. We can't expect anybody to forgive. We can't place those things on other people, but we can do those things for ourselves. Number four is just have boundaries around your triggers, knowing what triggers you knowing what sets you off.

Um, number five. Which I talk about, this is the first chapter of the book learn to create space to heal. What does that mean? What does that look like? Do we benefit from healing? All of those things, number six is to just stop running. Yeah, stop running from your feelings and what you feel separate running from your experiences.

And number seven was to just acknowledge them without them becoming your identity, just because you're sad. It does not make you a sad person just because you're angry. Does it make you an angry person? It's not an identity issue. It's just a, this is my experience. And how can I allow God to read? Yeah, that's so good.

And I think, you know, when we look at the root of all of this. Like we were created and made and called good in Eden. Right? And like, this is, this is not eaten and we so want it to be right. We want it to be for our bodies and the way we experience our bodies, we experienced brokenness in our bodies. We experienced that in relationships here on earth.

Right? Like we, I think are always going to have this longing, whether it be, you know, We have this longing to be made. Perfect, which is going to happen one day. Right. But we are, we are not there yet. So as we manage our emotions and all of these things, that is such a good framework to think through because you set it on a couple of them, but none of those things are easy, right?

It's not easy to take responsibility. It's not easy to not expect someone to forgive you. It, you know, all of these things are hard. They're also a lot of times the very thing God uses to sanctify us to make us more like Jesus. You know what I mean? Like if, if we didn't have relational struggles, if we didn't experience brokenness in our bodies, like we would miss all of these opportunities.

To become more like Christ. And so, um, most of the time we can't see that until it is kind of in the rear view mirror of like, yeah, that was a really hard thing that I experienced that God allowed me to walk through, but I know he was with me and I know something about him that I didn't know beforehand, you know, that's so good.

There was a statement in the book that I thought was really good. We've talked about this a little bit, but just this thought of your feelings are safe with God. I think sometimes we have experienced, um, relationships where our feelings did not feel safe. And like you said, a minute ago with, you know, relationships with our mom and dad and things like that, we can then put those things on to.

God's character in a way that makes us feel that he's not safe or whatever that is for you, you today, but for somebody who maybe they know that's true theologically, they would agree. Yeah. Your feelings are safe with God, but their heart isn't really there. How do we begin to kind of move? Are our heart in agreement with our head in terms of yeah.

Um, yeah, something I love to say and to help women process through is that our view of God dictates our relationship with God. So that's like the first thing we have to understand, like this goes back to identity and I talk about this in the book, but when we really think about identity, we have to think about who are we giving our identity to, or, you know, releasing that kind of, that power to.

Who do we believe God to be like, who do we personally think he is? And then three, who is you? Really? Yeah. And most of us don't take the time to answer that question. Those three questions, because number two, and number three, we'll give you all the answers you need as to why you feel hindered in your intimacy with God or why you feel like you can't trust him.

So for example, you know, if I believe God to be angry, Um, uh, God, that of the old Testament, right. That had to take care of sin. That just kind of, when somebody messes up, he's there to condemn them and, you know, open the ground and throw a pit and you know, them into a pit. Or if I think he's this guy that's like holding my sin against me, which is, you know, not in the new Testament, you know, now what you just came for, you know, all of these viewpoints, theological viewpoints are going to hurt.

How I show up and how honest I am with God. Because if I think that God is this God that's holding all my sin against me and we're separated and he's putting me in the corner waiting for me to be good. Well guess what? I'm not going to be honest with him. I'm not going to share with him that I'd been hurt or that I feel sad.

Cause I'm just going to try to give him the answer that I think my professor would want, you know, or my teacher would want versus this kind father. And that is really the beginning step from head to heart is, well, my view of guide is going to dictate my relationship with God. So what is my view of God and how has that affected my religion?

That's so good. You know, the thing that gets me about God is. And this is a big Christianese word that I'll explain, but his immutability, the fact that he doesn't change encourages my heart so much when it comes to this conversation. Because when I think about everything that I know to be true about God, his omnipresence, his wisdom, his faithfulness, his sovereignty.

If, if he wasn't immutable, if he could change, I couldn't trust him. Sure. Right. Like, I couldn't trust anything else about his character if I thought that he could change. But when I lay the fact that he will never change on top of everything, I know, I know to be true about him, that changes the way that I think about him.

And I think that changes the way that I do that. I live life that I attack my feelings that I allow him to sanctify me. That changes everything for me. I actually have a book idea about that, but anyway, that's for another day, but I just, as you were talking, I was like, yeah. Yeah, because he doesn't change.

He's safe because he doesn't change, you know? So. So good. Okay. Well, the book is going to be in the world about the time that listeners listen to this, which is so fun to get to cheer you on and share the book with the world. And I just want to hear, like, you know, as you're preparing to launch, what's your prayer for readers?

Like as they walk away from this book, what are you hoping for? I think the end goal was that they know that their feelings are safe with God and that God wants them. To heal. He doesn't want them living in pain or suffering. We experienced those things. I think there's places of visitation, but not habitation and to live from right.

This place of freedom from pain, freedom from other people's opinions. And then really just the confidence, the true confidence of their identity through scripture, that they don't have to take every thought that comes their way. They don't have to settle for what the imitation the world gives them. And just the reality that when their soul as well, we can be well, they can be well, because that, to me, me personally, You know, policies, don't change people, people change people.

I mean, individual conversations, one by one, the heart that changes. I always say healed people, heal. People just like hurt people, hurt people. Yeah. So we ourselves can take responsibility, like we've talked about to pursue healing so that we can heal others. Yeah. And that's really the mission behind. Yeah, that's so good.

I'm so proud of you. I can't wait for this book to come out. I'm so excited about it. I'm going to read the title one more time. If people didn't catch it at the top of the show, it's called face off with your feelings. Break up with the lies from your past and embrace truth for your future. Just I'm so grateful to have you again today.

Thank you for being with me. And again, I'm just, I'm so grateful for you. Thank you so much for having me.