Episode 170. 12 Books of Christmas: Take Back Your Time with Christy Wright
Christy. I'm so excited to have you back on the show. Thank you so much for joining me. Yeah. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited about this. I know this is going to be fun. I am so excited to have you be a part of our Christmas series. We're doing a 12 books of Christmas series, but with just 12 people that we know and love and messages and books that came out in 2021 that we know and love.
And so I am really excited to talk about take back your time, because I know the Christmas season is a time when we all struggle with this, right. It's going to be a good topic for us to unpack. But before that, we're going to have a little Christmas fun. And I want to hear all about what your family does and like traditions, all the things that you love during Christmas.
So, first of all, what did Christmas look, look like for you growing up? Well, my parents were divorced and so we, we had some traditions, but it wasn't like this big, heavy family, which is why I'm probably obsessive about it. Making it this big happy family. And since I've had kids, I have three kids aged six and under, and every year I get so excited about traditions.
And what I realized about myself last year is that from the time that I had Carter, he's now six. So five years ago at that time, I just continue to add new traditions every year, but I don't phase me. So now our routine is very extensive. It's like, we've got to do the advent calendar and we've got to put the magnet on the tree and we've got to unwrap a book and we've got it.
So it's yeah, it's a little lot of heads. I'll be honest. But I love it because I love Christmas so much. Like it's like, I'm still six years old. I want to do all the things, all the hot chocolate, all the Christmas lights where like I'm crazy about Christmas. So yeah. I, I really just try to do all of it.
Yeah. That matters to the conversation that we're about to have though, because that's a very real reality that we, we do that in our lives. Too, like we add things without taking things off. And so I think that's important to say when it comes to the holidays as well, because as our seasons changes, our lives changes.
We have babies as we get married, all the things, um, that has to shift and it has to change and that's so fine. That's so fine as your seasons change. So I think that matters. Right. Okay. Do you have. Maybe with your kids, like a favorite Christmas memory, as you look back something that you just look back and you're like, that was so fun.
Yeah, I'll say last year, last year was pretty cool. Um, we took the boys, so they were very into the polar express. Then movie, we watched it 100 million times every Christmas, but especially last Christmas, cause their ages were, um, five and three. And so they were just real, real into. And, um, so we found a train in Chattanooga just an hour and a half from Nashville where they, they decorate it like the polar express and they know exactly what it is.
It's the whole thing. And then you go see Santa and all that. And so we did it and it was just like the wonder in their eyes was just so cool. It's it's, that's, what's so magical about Christmases cause just like the wonder and the innocence and the childhood is really, really sweet. So I think that that was probably nearly.
Yeah. I love that. I'm a Tennessee girl at heart. My husband and I live in south Mississippi right now. He's a pastor and, but we both moved from Knoxville, so, oh, awesome. All Alma places are up there and stuff. I have not actually done the polar express myself, but I have tons of friends who have taken their baby yesterday.
They said it was the bomb.com. So I love that. Okay. Last Christmas question. Do you have something that like has to be on your table? Like food-wise that you just, you can't have Christmas without? Hmm. I mean, I have a lot, like, I'm very, I'm very rigid about like, like the Turkey and the dressing and the green beans and the mashed potatoes and the holes and the pumpkin pie.
Like it's like, we we're, we're gonna need all of them. Yeah. Yeah. I love how, when you rattle that list off, it's like, in your mind, you can just like taste it all. Oh, I love Christmas, like holiday food. Oh my gosh. I eat until I can't move. Like I, I, and I'll eat leftovers for days. Like I love and it's the exact same dishes that we did have growing up.
So my mom's family, my mom is one of eight. And so we would have Christmas at their house that actually my mom and I did have some traditional, but my mom's family did actually pull all my traditions from. The food they had is the food that I want and the food try to recreate. So actually, yeah, I'm glad you said that.
Cause I, mom and I didn't have a lot of stuff. Just us. He was a single mom and I was the only child. But her family, when we were with them, it was very like all their traditions. We played the game where you could steal guests. And I think that's where I got a lot of it. Yeah. I love that. That's so fun. So fun.
Okay. Well, I have been so excited to talk to you about your new book. Take back your time, the guilt free guide to life balance. I mean, first of all, I followed you for a long time. So like, I know you're a mom. I know you're in seminary. I know you have all the things going on. So when I saw the cover of your book, it made me really excited because like, you you're like worth your salt to write a book about time, right?
Like, you're the girl, like if going to a book about time, like you are one of the people who I'm not saying, like, none of us balance it perfectly, but you have a lot going on in your life. And so when people look at your life, right, I think like, oh wow. Like Christie does all the things, but none of us, if we're all being super honest, balance it, super wellness topic matters so much.
And so when I read your subtitle, I think it's great, right? Like the guilt-free guide to life balance. But I also know that words matter, right? Like I'm working on my first book now and like every word of the subtitle matters. Right. So I think what we find. A lot of times when we talk about balance is we use the term work-life balance.
Right? Like we hear that in like corporate America a lot. And so I'm curious, was there a reason why you wanted to call it life balance? Was that it? Yes. Yes. And the subtitle you're right. Every single part of it was intense. So we have a lot of feelings about balance or work-life balance, and we've got all the analogies, we've got spinning plates and juggling balls, and some balls are rubber and some are glass.
And some, you can drop on a third Tuesday of the month. Like it's just, we've got all the walking, the tight rope, we've got all of it. We've got scales. And then we've got like, I love people that write articles. So like it's not work-life balance, it's worth work, life integration. And like that. That didn't help me at all.
Like, am I, I, I hear you and I, the pain point is still there. The analogies don't help. The, the synonyms don't help. And so I'm going okay. What if we're asking the wrong question, because I think that when we think we're going to balance it all balanced, being a verb, we set ourselves up to fail. And so because people have these preconceived notions about the idea of work life.
I wanted to take just the balance part of it. And really that's what the book is about is about balance. Not so much work-life balance and, and shine, a new light on it, redefine it and come at it from a completely different angle that I think is. Um, is really what we're after anyway, because you can balance all the things you can juggle all the balls, spin all the plates and still feel out of balance.
You can still feel like something's not right. You could still be exhausted and feel guilty in your life. And so what I want to help people do is I want to help people create balance in their life, where they can become balanced in another balance world, where they can be balanced and still be busy.
We're balanced looks more like a pizza. Being confident in your choices when you say yes or no to one thing or the other being proud of how you spend your time for once and shaking the guilt. I think when we say we want balance, that's what we're really after whether we say life balance or work-life balance.
I think what we're really saying is we just want to be proud of how we spend our time. And so to me, it's less about the calendar. And more about enjoying the life that that calendar represents. And so I think to do that, you've got to figure out the root issues of what's going on. That makes you feel out of balance in the first place.
And the calendar is a piece of it, but it's definitely not all of it. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. That makes so much sense. Okay. And it's also a guilt-free guide, which, which to me says, like, we're, we're going to cover like the shame and the guilt that we have over how we spend our day. Why does that matter to you?
Well, here's, here's, what's interesting. It doesn't, it doesn't matter what we do. We're just sure we're doing the wrong thing. We don't know. We're just sure. We don't have it. It becomes the shadow that haunts us. And so what I see, and, and I know you have a lot of female listeners, but I see a lot of men and women, but especially you see women walking around all day, every day, believing that they're failing.
Yeah, but they're failing at work. They're failing our kids. They're doing a bad job. They're not holding it together. If they could just get it together, if they could just get caught up, if they could just get it together. And it's not true, it's not true at all. They're not failing and they're not doing a bad job.
And so I think if you can help women see what they're doing, right. And then certainly being more intentional with, with figuring out what's right and doing what's right for them, but then acknowledging once they do it to actually acknowledge it and be proud of it. Yeah. Then I think you set them free to actually not only experience their life more, but to actually enjoy it more.
And so you're, you're hitting on the root cause that I think is a bigger problem than the lack of time itself. It's the fact that we walk around everyday feeling like they're failing. I've noticed one of the things we women do a lot is we assess other women on what they're doing well. And we assessed ourselves on what we're doing poorly or where we're failing.
So I see, oh, wow, she's got a rocket business. And her kids look so perfect and well behaved and their monogram smoke shirts. And her house is so clean. And me, my kids aren't well behaved. My house is not clean and they don't wear smocks amount of monogrammed outfit. So I must be a bad mom where they're judging us on what we're doing well and what they're doing poorly.
And we're all. So it's a one off, there's an element of this of, I want my reader. To see what she's doing. Right. Ready, and then, and then choose it like, so choose what's right and do that, but then acknowledge it because even if you perfectly manage your calendar, if you still feel guilty for all the things you're not doing, you're going to miss your life.
And you're going to believe that you're failing and you're not. And so there's an element of certainly being intentional and putting the right things on your calendar, but then once you do that, Being present for them and proud of them so that you can acknowledge that those were right. And you can feel satisfied at the end of the day instead of feeling guilty.
What a concept. Yeah. Yeah. I had a conversation the other day with a friend about kind of this very thing about how we keep our homes, like how perfectly cleaned and upkept we keep our homes. And I just told her, I was like, you know, I think if somebody were to walk in our home, They would not leave saying like, oh wow, everything in her home is perfectly organized and it looks like Joanna Gaines, you know, redid it.
Or like you might, it's not going to be perfectly clean. However, you're gonna have a great time and you're probably gonna eat some really good food. And like, I'm totally becoming fine with that being RMO, you know, like I know the important kingdom work is done in our home. And that to me does not mean a perfectly correct.
House now to somebody else that might be their gift. And that might be their sweet spot and what they have time for all the time. It's not for us. My husband's a pastor. I work another job and do podcasting and I write and write now. You know, uh, thrown together dinner and our full attention is like, that's what I've got for ya.
You know? And so, but I think you're right. We miss out on our very lives as we just compare ourselves to the people around us. So I think that. You make such a good point too, because there can be different seasons to things. And so I think one of the, one of the dangers is if something's not right right now, doesn't mean it's never, right.
So my house isn't super clean in this season of life, partly because I have three kids under age six and they can mess up faster than I can clean. And partly because I'm in the middle of launching a book now in the middle of normal. Even seasons with kids, normal life, I value a clean house. And so I try to prioritize that.
But in this season it's not a priority. So I've actually chosen not to clean. I know that sounds weird, but, but simply choosing what makes the cut and what doesn't is very powerful and us understanding the control. Over our schedule and our lives. So we're not victims to it. So when I'll walk through the living room and I'm stepping over toys, I'm not then thinking I'm a failure.
I'm stepping over toys going, Hey, that's not right, right now you're launching a book and you're in seminary. This is not a priority. You've actually chosen not to spend your time on this. And so it does help you shake the Gill. It also just helps you feel more empowered knowing that, Hey. Maybe in the spring, you know, that that will be a priority when I'm not watching a book or whatever, where it's a little bit more, it's a little bit neater, but, but there's a piece of this too.
And I just, it came to mind. So I wanted to share it. Um, I talked about this section in my devotional, um, about getting back to you, but women very often what we do. We make assessments about our identity based on the season that we're in and this is dangerous and unhealthy thinking. And what I mean by that is, um, I look around my house and my house is a mess in this house example and my house is a mess and I think I'm a mess.
Yeah, no, no, no, no. I'm in a season of little kids who make a mess. I am not a mess. So we've got to separate ourselves from our season, whether that's a messy house or setting your goals aside so that you can help an ailing parent or working three jobs to get out of debt, whatever the thing is, uh, losing your job due to the parents.
These are not statements about your identity, you're in a season where that thing happened to you or that thing is going on around you. That is not who you are. Your season is where you are, not who you are. And that's a powerful distinction, especially as busy women that have a lot of interests that go through lots of different seasons in life.
We've got to realize this is not a statement of who we are and, and that's gonna help us have a more healthy perspective. On what balance looks like at any new season? Cause right now balanced to me, looks like a messy house and that's okay. That's what's right right now. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good. Okay.
You talk about sort of creating a schedule that takes into consideration what matters. Right. And so back to what matters in our season. So when you know, women are listening and they're thinking, okay, Christie, that's great. But like you can't see my house, you don't see my schedule. Like how do we. How do we take steps towards that?
What does that look like? Well, it, I think it makes, um, probably the most sense in context. So I'll give you the quick overview of the book. So life balance, I redefined it in the book. Yeah. Life balance is not doing everything for an equal amount. It's about doing the right things at the right time. And when you do the right things at the right time, you feel that sense of balance that you've been looking for.
And so how do you do that? Well, I want to give you five tactical steps. I love practical, actionable steps. And especially since this idea of balance is this thing that kind of is elusive and haunts us as like, okay, let's redefine it. Let's give you steps. So there's five steps to creating your version of balance in your life.
So let's walk through step one, decide what man. Step two stop doing what doesn't matter. Step three, create a calendar that reflects what matters. Step four, protect what matters and step five, be present for what matters. So in step one, you're going to figure out what's important to you. Not what is good, not what are your neighbors doing?
Not what is, um, you know, what was fun? Six months ago, what you want to do in two years? What's right, right now, what matters right now? What is important? Right. Now, when you ask yourself what's important, especially for women, you will get a very different answer than what you were getting when you're like, what do I need to do?
What should I do? What are all the things on my to do list? Because we often pile things on our to-do list and our calendars that don't represent anything worth doing. So ask yourself what matters what's important in this season. And then in step two, you just, you stopped doing what doesn't matter. So you're going to identify all the time.
Sucks, all the things that are stealing your time. Hypothetically, you're staying up till 11 o'clock at night, scrolling Instagram, you didn't even mean to, but then you didn't get enough sleep. You wake up grouchy. You're short-tempered, you're running on caffeine. You're unhappy, unproductive, and uncreative all because you wasted time scrolling Instagram from nine to 11:00 PM.
We can fix this. This is such an easy fix, right? So you're going to cut out the stuff that doesn't matter to make room for. What does, but then step three, which is what you were talking about. After you decide what matters. You have to put it on the calendar. As tactical as that is, we live by our calendars.
We even say that I live by my calendar, but then we're shocked when things that are really important to us don't happen. They don't happen because we did not put them on the system. We've chosen to live our lives by. So whether it is an early bedtime or a workout or time with God or a date night or playing with your kids or cleaning your bags, Anything you want to do.
If it's important to you needs to have a block of time on the calendar. Now this is not restrictive. This is not like, oh, I'm just a rules person. I'm just taking all the fun out of your life. You can make it look like anything you want to, you can put anything you want to on there. It's simply a tool to help you do what you say.
You want to do those things that are most important to you. If they're going to happen, they need to be on the system. You've chosen to live your yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good. Well, and I'm even thinking about seminary for you. Like when you felt God putting that on your heart, this is the next step.
That's a huge sacrifice for your family. That's a huge sacrifice for your schedule in the process of saying yes to that. I don't know. I'm thinking of these Agni, these women listening, who are in the weight of a decision and that's similar. We have the framework for how to do it. I guess mentally, like how did you go down that path of like, okay Lord, like, I'm going to say, I'm going to say yes, like I know you said yes, because God put this on your heart and you're, you're going to be obedient.
Right. How did you decide what was going to be sacrificed? Like how did you decide cause that, that your calendar looks different now being a seminary student than it did before, right? Yes. Yes, absolutely. So the first thing I think is really important to point out is that if you are married, And if you have kids, then when you decided to walk down the aisle, you decided to share your life with that person.
That means that you no longer have just your time. It's your shared time. And so any decision you make about your life and your goals has it? Yeah. A reaction to the person you've chosen to spend your time with in your life with. And so that's why everything I teach in my book is to let this be a conversation starter with you and your spouse.
If you're married you with your older kids, if they're older, like if you have like teenagers asking them what matters to them in this season is a great exercise to make sure you all are putting the right things in the calendar and prioritizing them. So the first thing is just making it a conversation point is, is huge to, um, to show respect to your spouse.
But the second piece is you. There's an element. Um, and when we're talking about the faith aspect of it, it's a both and meet what I mean by that is you're going to have a plan and then also know that if God, God called you to it, he's going to make a way, even if you can perfectly see it. So God, part of the red city, he is a way maker, but I'm also not going.
Float around all day, hoping Gabriel's going to show me when to read my seminary books every single day, I'm going to have a plan. Also knowing that sometimes my plan, there's a gap between my plan and fulfillment of what needs to happen, and God fills that gap, but I'm not going to have no plan. I'm not going to add God to do all the work, because if God's asked me to do, I'm going to do my work of like, I'm going to block time on the calendar.
So a couple things that I've done, uh, it's a combination of, um, Systems meaning like, um, I've got, I've got my calendar, I've got my schedule. I actually schedule time to work on seminary work. So it's typically on Thursdays, which is normally my writing days. Um, and then Sunday afternoons I'll work on that during the kids' nap time.
So that's my schedule. But then I also just get scrappy. So all my lectures, all of the Bible, new Testament books, I'm supposed to read. I'm hearing on audio in my ear, pods when I'm in the car. So I'm listening to lectures in the car. I'm listening to the new Testament in the car. So it's finding a way to, to multitask in a way that makes sense.
You know, um, if I'm doing laundry, I can be listening to stuff. But then the actual work of writing papers and doing posts that has to happen at my computer at my desk during a dedicated, scheduled time. Um, but it's, it's funny you say that. Cause literally Rebecca I'm, I'm in the trenches of this right now, where I'm talking to my team here and they're just putting so much stuff on my calendar during time that's blocked for somebody.
This, this, this has to get done. Like I have to do, but it's not free time. I'm not just hanging out at home, getting a pedicure. I'm actually doing work, you know? And so just, um, yeah, there there's a step four protect. What matters is all about setting boundaries and saying no, because even if you create a calendar, you're going to have to be willing and ready to protect it.
Right. Because there's always going to be a million things coming at you. So that's a, that's a big piece of it too. Yeah. That matters. There's always going to be, yeah, that's the thing it's not making the plan is so important, but actually protecting it is where is what's going to change your life. You.
Yeah. Yeah. So good. Okay. So as you, we're about to release this book into the world. It's going to be out in the world by the time people listen to this. What's your hope like as you hold this book in your hands and you think about your reader, like, what are you hopeful and prayerful for, for them as they walk away from the message.
Thank you for asking. This is, um, so, so we talk about time and we talk about balance, but that is, that is not the heart behind it. That's, that's a piece of it, but the heart behind it is such a message of freedom. The pressure's off. This is not a productivity book about how to do more. This is about how to show you that you have permission to live your life in a way that's right for you to show you that you're doing better than you think to show you how to actually be present and experience these moments that you're in.
I, this is, uh, this is, uh, I don't know, this is a dumb example, but I'll just, I'll just share it. Maybe some people can relate. I remember. Um, in high school, you know, I was the biggest of all my friends and I just remember thinking I'm the big girl, you know, and I wasn't big, I was normal size, but like my friends were like double zero.
So I just thought it was the big girl. And I had this identity like that. I was big all through high school and I thought I needed to lose weight and, and all that, which is just ridiculous looking back. But I looked back at pictures of myself from high school and I. Girl, you were cute. Why didn't, you know it at the time, you know, you, you, you were healthy.
Why don't, you know, it, you had a, you had a strong, healthy, normal body. Why didn't, you know it at the time. And the reason I use that example is because, and I'm going to try not to cry, but, um, there are women everywhere, everywhere, all day, walking around, believing that they're failing. Yeah, they're failing their kids.
They're failing. Their jobs are failing in life. They're not enough. They're not good enough. Not put together enough. The house is not cleaning up their kids. Not well-behaved enough. They're not enough. This narrative is a broken record at the back of their mind, and they are walking around every day, believing that they're failing.
And I just want to be like, you are doing a good job. Why don't, you know, it don't wait until you're in your seventies and you look back at scrapbooks to go, oh girl, you were doing so great. Why don't you. Yeah. When you were doing it. Yeah, so that you can experience it and enjoy it and be proud of it. I want women to be set free, to enjoy their life and be proud of what an amazing job they're already doing.
Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. And it reminds me so much of the sort of key verse that we sent her, everything we do around here around and Psalm 34, 5, it says those who look to him are radiant and their faces are never covered in shame. And it's this idea of like, when I abide in Christ, when I look to him, For my identity for my worth, all of those things.
And I don't keep my eyes on everything, all the crap that's going around in the world around me. Like that's when the shame lifts, that's when the guilt lifts that's when, like I can take even saying that, like I'm taking a deep breath because it feels like freedom. When I know who I am in Christ, when I want to have all of that figured out.
I don't, I can live my life and not be subject to the opinions of other people. I can not be subject to like what I, what I think other people are succeeding at that I'm failing at, like all of this just really points me back to, um, just what we're all about around here. And. Do not make your story as a silly example.
I think every person listening to this podcast can relate to that moment because the reality of it is, is we recently had, um, just calmly on to talk about my game. I love, right. And if 97% of us have battled body shame in our lives, we're all liars. We're all like, we've all battled that in our minds because it's, um, You know, I think at the end of the day, We all have a lot of idols that we haven't confronted, right?
Whether it's our body or our calendar or our home, or, you know, all the things we've talked about, you know, in this episode and more, and those things keep us from freedom. And so I love, I love that question. You asked, you know, your teenage self of like, why didn't, you know? Yeah. And I. I think we all need to ask ourselves that question.
Cause I don't want to look back 20 years from now and realize what I've missed. Right. That's right. Cause I've been stuck. Yeah. That's so good. So good. Well, I am so excited for our people to get their hands on the book. It's called again, take back your time. The guilt-free guide to life balance. And we're going to hop on over to our Patrion community to get to know Christie a little bit better.
I'm super excited about that. But for this part of the conversation, Mary early Christmas and I'm so excited Christie to have you back. And I'm just so grateful for your time. Thank you for having me. This is.
