Episode 171. 12 Books of Christmas Day 8: Every Little with Todd & Brooke Tilghman

Unedited Transcript

Todd. I am so excited to have you on the show today. Thank you so much for being with me. Oh, thank you. Hey, I appreciate the invite. So thanks. This is so fun. I cannot wait to get into more of your story because we have something in common and that is that we've both lived in Mississippi. So we have lots to talk about, and I'm excited about that, but it's also going to be the holiday season, the Christmas season when people listen to this.

And so we're starting each of our 12 books of Christmas episodes. By just asking our friends a little bit about their favorite Christmas traditions and all the things. So let's start there. I want to hear a little bit about what did Christmas look like in your family when you were growing up? Oh, man. I guess I'm probably in the majority.

Well, I hate to say that. I'm pretty sure I'm right though in that I just love Christmas. And, uh, when we were kids for me, I mean, it changed through the years, but the times that I lie. To remember most, um, are those times when I was just a little kid, we lived in a little, just a little white A-frame house in Grenada, Mississippi on mountain street.

Um, and my brother and me, uh, well, it was just a two bedroom house, but then when my sister came along, my parents sort of opened up the attic and made that my brother and my bedroom. And we would always, uh, out one thing I'll never forget about Christmas's he would always, you know, when your kids, before the sun came up, he would always have me go check to see if Santa came, you know?

And so our, I remember doing that and then spending time, you know, with my grandmother and, and our family and, you know, all those things that people do at Christmas, we really did have. I would say a really traditional, you know, Christmas growing up all of those things. But I guess again, I'm probably in the majority on this, I think the nostalgia of Christmas is my favorite part, you know?

It's that. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. It's such a fun time of year. So do you have something. In the holiday, like in the Christmas season that you did every year with your family, like a tradition that you guys super love, or even with your family now, something that you find yourself looking forward to? Oh yeah.

Lots of things up through the years. Uh, I always, even when I was a little kid now, now that I'm an adult with, with my own wife and kids, we don't do it so much this thing, but, um, As a kid growing up, I mean, plum into my teen years really, and, and right into adult. And that I would, I would make candy with my mom, you know, just cause I started doing it when I was a little.

And so I would make Christmas candy with her through the years. I mean, we always did the traditional family meal like that, all those things. But over the years, I would say sometime. Oh man, maybe in my just pre-teen years, maybe that's I don't really know the exact time we started every year. Um, a tradition called Jesus candle at our, which is, uh, and it's not, everyone's kind of girl and got kids they're all in.

It can be a little bit of a sense. But, uh, but every year we just kind of sit around the living room, everybody lights a candle, and we talk about the, all the things that we've been blessed with throughout that year and all the, all the things that we really are believing for God to do in our lives in the upcoming year.

And that's something that we've we've. And, you know, then we do the things that I would imagine most families do, which is we get together during the Christmas season. Not necessarily on Christmas day, I get together with my wife and my kids, and we watch all the things we watch Rudolph and Charlie brown and all those things, you know?

And it's just it's because I don't know, you know, those things were, remind me of being a kid at Christmas and stuff. Yeah, I love that. Is there something that for you, like has to be on your table on Christmas day? Like your, your Christmas meal? Like, is, is there something that you're like, okay, it's the ma it's the mashed potatoes?

It's the sweet potato casserole? Like what is it for you? For me, I would say it's a couple of things. Um, my mom's dressing up as it's like one of my most favorite and I don't know. I'm pretty sure that if you live in different parts of the country, you call it stuffing. But I think it's the same thing. I don't know for sure.

I think it is. Somebody will tell us. Yeah, no, but my mom's dressing, but then also my mom's, um, sweet potato casserole. Cause my mom and Noah. Out there. You, you do you with sweet potato casserole, but mom does not do the can. That's got melted marshmallows on the top. She does the candidates almost got like candied pecans.

It's like a heart. Good. And that's like, oh man, I have to have that. And then, you know, she makes pumpkin roll, which I love. Um, my mother-in-law always makes, um, Date balls. They're just, I don't know. They're just covered in powdered sugar. So all of those things for me, you know, that's so good. Yeah. I love all those things to my mom when this is, so her, if you know her, she just decided a few years ago, like why do I have to choose between marshmallow.

Or the candied pecans stuff. So she does both. He puts both on not separately. Like she doesn't make two casseroles. She just does like some marshmallow and some candy stuff. Uh, now I could go for that. Uh, cause I love it's funny. Marshmallows are one of those things. We get, we have a fire pit out here at the house and we burn a fire all the time.

And I tell my kids all the time. I love a perfectly roasted marshmallow, but I do not like a marshmallow that is not rusted. I don't know. I don't like plain ones that they gotta be roasted and gooey. Yeah. They're so good. They're so good. Okay. Well Christmas is so fun to talk about, but I am so excited about your new book that you wrote with your wife, Brooke.

And. And it is going to be a part of our 12 books of Christmas. I'm so excited about that. It's called every little win and I just, I have so many questions, Todd, this is going to be such fun conversation because I was reading, I was reading the back cover and there was a question that like, it made me smile because I moved to Mississippi.

Two years ago and everything about my life changed. And so to hear your story of like having been in ministry in a small town, so then walking into the voice and it changing your life in a totally different way. I was like, I just know I could relate to a lot of what he probably has to say. And so there is a statement that says, what does a 42 year old small town pastor do when he wins one of the most popular?

So you competitions in the world, like what a fun question. And so. I would love to hear more of your story behind going on the voice. I am friends with Emily and Roberts, who she's a Knoxville girl. I'm a Knoxville girl, um, who was runner up a few seasons back. We've had several fun conversations, but I would love to hear, like, when did you decide to like, do it?

Like, what was the experience like for you? I want to hear all about it. Oh, man. My story of going on the voice is actually it's, it's odd because it's like really, really simple, but it's also kind of complicated. The complicated part is that I would say. It was years ago, 2017 or so, and I've said this a hundred times, but I would love to be able to pinpoint the time, but it's been three or four years ago.

I'll always say right around 2017. And the reason that I say that is because there were some other things that major things that happened in my life that I remember happening sort of at the same time and back then is when I knew. That I was going to be changing the direction of my life, you know, and what I deal with my life.

Uh, so now I said all that to say, I had no idea, you know, that this would be what happened, you know, you know, really what I was going to do. I looked into a whole bunch of things, but what I was going to do was start the process of becoming a real estate agent and sell real estate, you know, and it had nothing to do with.

Me deconstructing or walking away from my faith or any of those things. I'm still, that's a lot of people have and I get it. I get where they're coming from. I've had a lot of people that say like, I can't believe you left the church. I didn't leave the church. I'm still part of the church. And so all that was going on, I was kind of digging around for, for, I mean, I looked into barber school and all kinds of things.

And so, um, so I in, I would say in. Around March or April of 2019. Uh, a friend of my, what I was doing, I'm telling you, I don't know, I might've had a midlife crisis there, but I knew that I'm still great. I'm living still in this midlife crisis, if that's what it did happen. But, uh, so, uh, Try and, and I didn't do great, like, um, on know, people probably won't see the video, but you can say, I gotta like that keyboard right back here.

I can bang out chords. Like if I have an idea for a melody or, or a song, and what I do is I just plugged that into my computer and put my headphones on. So at the time though, I was banging out chords. I was trying to teach myself how to play piano. I still haven't done that. Um, and I was just seeing it on Instagram, um, singing songs.

And so like one minute, you know, Instagram only would let you do one minute, unless you go do a GTV or whatever. So a friend sent me a, uh, a DM on Instagram and said, Hey, you should try this. And it was a little link to the voice. And so I was like, oh, all right. So, uh, clicked on it. Uh, I signed up and actually, when I say Brendan, if she hears this, she knows, I'm telling her we aren't like close.

We're more acquaintances than friends. Uh, so I signed up, well, it was for open call, you know, like stand in line auditions, um, which the voice finds people in a whole lot of different ways. And I did not know that. Uh, so, so anyway, I signed up months passed my audition was on July the 27th. And that was like I said, March or April.

Uh, so months past, uh, uh, drove my wife out to Colorado for a conference. We drove back in on Thursday. And the audition was that Saturday four and a half hours the other direction. So I, uh, decided not to do it. I'm like full on decided like it's and honestly, and you might can relate. As a pastor's wife, and this is my fault.

Let me say that. And I'll hopefully everyone who hears me will hear me say, this is my fault. It's not the church's fault. It's my fault. But I was already in a place in my life where I kind of felt. Like useless and crappy enough, you know? And so I'm like, I don't want to drive for an hour hours for an audition where someone's just going to make me feel even worse about my myself by telling me no, go back home, you know?

And so that at that time, As when my wife went into like Hoggy, or like, no, you need to do this. You keep saying you need to change in your life. And you know, and she's one of us, she's like, you're the one that keeps saying you something's got to change and something's got to give, so I, you know, um, I made a plan to, um, spend the night in the car.

Cause we had just spent a decent amount of money going out to Colorado. And I didn't have the money really to spend on a hotel or anything. Well, I don't know how this happened because it's all happening plan of like three hours or something like that. Remember how all of it happened. But, uh, someone from our church got wind that I was going to spend the night in the car.

And so they, they got me up. They told me to get a room. So what I did was I was always running. Oh, no, I was always real frugal with the church's money. Cause it was like the church, ask him, pay him for the room. And so I got a real, oh man, it was, it was kind of scary the hotel room and I, you know, so, so I got up the next morning frustrated, honestly, and that's, that's really the truth and that's, to me.

Uh, one of very many beautiful depictions of the grace of God in my life. Cause I was frustrated and I was annoyed and I was aggravated and I had to pay $25 to park and that frustrated me and, um, stood in line for hours and hours and hours. And that's how it all started. And so I know that's a long version, but that's, that's how it all started.

I love it. That's so cool. Okay. So then, and actually went back and watched her blind audition this morning. You sort of think that that was the backstory and to then watch you on stage during your blind audition. Like that is also the grace of God. That is so, cause I didn't know, none of us knew any of that.

So for people who have not seen as blind audition, you have to go watch it because they're all like I can see your passion and your FA like. It was awesome to watch you on stage. And so to know the story that's really cool. So then like, like accused Blake. And then you go through the whole, you go through the whole thing you win.

So here's where my mind as a small town, Mississippi pastor's wife is going okay. And I'll share a little, like, just a glimpse of a little bit of my story. So on a super way, different level and totally different circumstance. Um, I'm working on my first book. And so I signed up my first book deal about a month ago.

And thank you. And, but there's this piece of you. Or maybe there's not, maybe you're not, maybe you don't battle people pleasing and maybe don't okay. Okay. It is still killing me to this day. I'm better than I was. Yeah. Th that's something that I'm always having to really talk to the Lord a lot about. And I know for me, there's a, there's a part of you.

I remember when I signed thinking like, well, what's the church going to think about this? Well, what's, you know, we're in this very small glass bubble of a town. Right. And where everybody knows all this stuff. And so what was it like for you to come back to Meridian after all of that? Like, I just can't help, but wonder, and you share what you're comfortable sharing, but like, it would be like a thing, like a whole thing.

Well, first of all, Um, my, okay. So my story is a little different in that I was the original COVID season of the voice. So when I came back, Two Meridian, no one even knew I was going to be on the voice. Uh, you weren't allowed to tell a lot, a lot of it like, um, I don't want to lie, but I'm pretty sure my for my season, because of COVID was the first time that the world found out.

Officially, you know, there's always rumors on the internet and people posting and stuff, but I'm pretty sure I don't, I may be wrong that my season was the first time that the world found out officially that are blind auditions battles and knockouts are pre-taped, you know, like way, way earlier up. Now, I don't know that every single season goes that way.

Uh, actually the timeline is always a little different. Believe it or not since COVID you don't, once you go, I don't think you come home until you're, you know, cause see, I came home after my blind audition. I came home after my battle and knockout and I was supposed to go back for lavs. Uh, but then Kelvin.

So it turned note season, you know? Uh, so no one knew. Anything, and that that's a weird spot to be in. Well, I did tell, of course my wife and my family, I did tell, uh, the leadership team at our church, like the pastors team at our church, uh, what was going on, they all knew, but you know, once it all happened, let me, I want to kind of break this into kind of categories.

You know, a would be the church, my hometown. All of that, uh, were all really great to me. Um, uh, they were all just fantastic to me. Um, now, you know, I mean, when I say that, you know, people in every crowd that don't like it or not get behind it, that's fine. You know, I don't, I never did. I never did get it. I was never very critical of that, you know?

Uh, so that, but then me, I was in, I was like torn cause I was really excited. That I was part of the show. I was really excited, you know, uh, that, that I was, um, I could see maybe a path forward. Cause that's when people see my blind audition. First of all, I'm what I saying. I kind of get into it physically.

It's like a whole body experience for me, but second of all, I knew at that time, like some something happened. So I knew like this is my shot. And, uh, and so I was torn because I was really excited to be on the show. I was really happy about being on the show. I was really happy that this could possibly be, uh, an open door for a path forward to me to do something else.

But then there was that side of me. That and that this side of me is alive and well today I'm working as hard as I can to kill him, but he will not die. There was that side of me that was like, oh my God, what is everybody thinking? You know, um, you know, what's, what are they gonna think I'm supposed to do this cause man, you know, and I'm going to be honest, everybody's got their own feelings about this and I think that's cool.

I think we're supposed to be different, but like hardcore religions. Is it's heavy, you know what I mean? It is a heavy and it's hard to overcome, you know? And when I say that, I don't mean like, knowing the Lord and doing, trying to do the right thing when you're lying. I mean, like we're like legalism the rules.

Yeah. Those things, those parts that aren't necessarily biblical, but that we place on ourselves, that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. And it's always. Really, it's always been really important to me that, that people saw my character or who I want to be. Um, but then the struggle that you have with that is everybody has a different idea of what's good and what's bad.

And so when you do, for example, uh, when my blind audition aired, my BA I went. Very first, I was the first air to blind audition of season 18. And that was cool. That, that was really, really great. Uh, and, and it was like a euphoric experience, but then the flip side of that was, um, I, you know, I got a lot, I like hate on Twitter and I got emails.

I don't even know where people got my email address. Of from people that were just, how could you, you know, how could a pastor, you know, and that man I'll take that kind of stuff to heart, you know? And so it's, it was an unique experience. It really was. And I'm to this day, honestly, you know, I just had an experience and, um, You know, I'm fairly transparent person.

I've just had an experience about a week ago. Um, uh, you know, that had, honestly, I, I kind of just got to a breaking point, uh, with the whole like religious establishment and, you know, I, in all honesty, I made some bad decisions. You know, I made some statements and shared some things that I probably shouldn't have shared I've apologized since, but, uh, it, the, the experience with the voice for me, it's like my inner man.

Yeah. Um, has been really liberating. Um, and, and very it's, it's weird because everybody says, oh man, I bet you, you feel really, um, um, what's the word I'm looking for? Oh, my gosh. I can't find, I can't find the word that I'm trying to say. There's been, there's been a lot of people that say you, you found you, maybe you found some real justification or whatever and who you are.

I can't remember the word escape. Yeah, validation, you know, like, uh, I bet you feel really valued and you do feel a sense of like validation, but you also feel a very real sense of humility, you know? Um, it's, it's actually very humbling. Um, the whole thing, and, and so it really was what I have found in it is a whole lot of freedom.

Not at any small cost to my mental man. Like it's a battle, you know, it really is it's, but you know, um, that's even with the book and all the things we try to tell everybody, you know, if you're looking to me or my wife. As some kind of like, Hey example, then hopefully you look to us as an example of the measurable grace of God, because we are pretty jaded.

Exactly. Yeah. No, that's so good. I could see, I can see how all of that would be true. And it's like those. Yeah. Those opportunities where we really have to wrestle with the Lord of like, okay, how much of this, like, am I wanting to honor you? Or am I wanting to please other people and honoring you doesn't necessarily mean this set of rules that, you know, the charges may be placed on us or all, all these things that we're talking about.

And then, and then also as like your all's lives continue to change. How does God's immeasurable, bro grace, like towards your family? It's not a, it's a, it's a beautiful thing. However, there were probably, there was probably a lot of really sad people. There were probably a lot of really, you know, people who maybe didn't understand and, and just accepting that, like, I dunno, that's a whole thing.

That's a whole thing. And so I know that this had to have been just a really crazy, but also. Super awesome time for you guys, for the Lord to grow you and those things, which I think is really cool. Um, okay. Your new book is called every little win, which I love the title and it talks a lot about having a joyful mindset, despite unrelenting challenges, which I think is really important for us to talk about, especially right now.

And so if a listeners kind of come into this conversation just discouraged today, like through the message of the book, how would you want to encourage. You know, The first thing that I would say the whole book came about. It was really very, very, very important to me and Brooke, that this book was not about me being on the voice, you know, uh, like, uh, you know, I don't want to write a book about me being on the voice because honestly here's the deal with the voice.

I appreciate it. I do. I appreciate the experience. I appreciate every word of congratulations that I have gotten. I appreciate it. Person that takes a photo in the parking lot at Walmart. I really do, but really the truth of what the voice is. All I did was saying, I just kept singing until there wasn't a more singing to do.

And that's really all I did, you know, I hate to brag on it so much, you know? Uh, cause I didn't really do anything but saying, um, so that was important to us. The second thing that was important to us. This book, hopefully, even though, as far as the public eye goes, um, my, my presence up to now, and maybe forever is fairly limited, really.

Uh, you know, I was on the voice and the whole thing, but, um, but, but we did hope that it would sort of level the playing field in that people would see that everyone deals with these things, man, you know, this guy, might've sure I might've gone on the voice and them. Thing or whatever. And again, I'll tell everybody I really didn't.

Even when the voice, you know, called the head, if you voted y'all did the vote, I didn't even vote. I felt weird voting. I was betraying my friends cause we're friends, all of us on the show were friends, you know, so I didn't even vote. Um, so it was really important that people would see, like these things are.

Life is tough and I get that and it cause a lot of times I think what happens or again, I don't want a blanket statement. I, I don't, I don't know everybody's unique experience, but in my experience, especially in the faith, um, there have been times and more times than not that there's like this sense that, um, there's this sense that you don't.

Uh, pay any attention to the fact that you're suffering or that suffering is part of it. Uh, and that, and there's the sense that if you do go through suffering, you know, that that's like some something that's, you're supposed to be ashamed of or, you know, or, or something that like, maybe you should get right with God or whatever, all these different things, but suffering is part of it, you know?

And, uh, it's part of the journey. And, and so it's really what we wanted to do is say, Hey, you know, Oh, wait, I don't want to say always, but when I was pastoring through the years, I learned. Uh, that even with, with people and, you know, from pastor when people have church hurt, um, instead of getting all, you know, self-righteous and, and, and, uh, like, uh, having just the.

Overzealous indignation about that. Um, you don't live in that pain, but it maybe it's, uh, maybe they really did get hurt. And so it just became really important to me. And I know Brooke agrees with me too about this. I'm not allowed to speak for her that when you do go through something like you almost, you know, she, my wife, she filed for divorce.

We've had kids that weren't sick, like dying. Like they, they didn't have a disease. They had a physical. I don't know how to put it like abnormality or malfunction in their physical body, uh, that was killing him, that he couldn't eat food, you know, and you have to eat food live, you know, uh, you know, we've been through that.

We've had, uh, we went through both of the adoptions man that if you never adopted, it's a, it's a brutal process, man. It is hard. And, and. We want to say, like these things, it's not that these things are happening and we do validate that these things happen, but you can find something, you know, you can find something good to just, even if it's just some little thing, you know, uh, that you can just, you can hang on to, you know, and then when things do happen, In your life.

First of all, for me, at least those, those good things right now, man, the book's already written and it's done. So this ain't going to be in the book. But like right now in my life, there are so many like unknowns, so many things that I don't know what's going to happen. So what I do is I just focus on what I know is good right now.

You know, there are some things that I can, and so that's what I hope people will do. You know, Brooklyn. Even with our, in our house. So now we don't, you know, I want to set some of the families out there free. We don't do this every day. You know, I don't want them to think like, oh, well, our family's not like that.

Our family is probably just like yours, maybe worse, but, uh, but. Uh, what Brooke will do is she'll, we'll, we'll be sitting around the living room or around the table, or whatever's going on, you know, our family's huge. So we don't really have like this one big family dinner, but we do sort of all kind of eat around the same time and with one another and just ask him, well, let's, let's do best of the day and worst of the day, you know, just so that they can number one, the worst of the day.

It's cool that things happen, you know, pretend that they don't have. Uh, but then you have the best of the day as well. There's something there's some positive. There's some good, even if it was just, you know, in the middle of pure hell breaking loose, I got to eat an almond Hershey bar. That was that's good.

That's good news. You know? And so that's what we wanted to do. Just hopefully encourage people to point out the positive things, the positive people, you know, um, in their lives, even if they're in the middle of, you know, a firestorm. Yeah, I think that's so good. I think what I love that you share there is the acknowledgement of both places like the acknowledgement of yes, as a Christ follower, as a human being, we are going to face suffering.

We're going to face hard things, but there's also always the joy that we can find in that. And so it's like, I have also two been in seasons in my life where I felt like there wasn't maybe the safety to just own like. This sucks. This is a really hard, like we're taught to just like shove down. Those things does not help anybody whatsoever.

Yeah. Having those safe places, whether it's your family or people in your life or your counselor, like that's another dirty word in Christian. I would love to, that's a whole thing, but, um, I get the help you need, like have the conversation and, um, that's like part of the healing process. And then. Like you're saying.

Yeah. Like we can always find something that we're grateful for. I'm not the greatest about this either, but I'm a huge fan of journaling. Um, just for the sake of like capturing what God is doing good, bad or ugly in our, in our lives. Um, so that we see patterns right. What happens over time. And, um, I find when I'm in a healthy habit of doing that regularly, I'm more aware of those things in my life.

And so that's a practice that we're all about around here. So I love that. Well, Todd. I've loved having you today. I'm so excited to hop on over to our Patrion audience, to do a really quick bonus round with you, which is going to be really fun, but I am so excited to include every little win in our 12 books of Christmas this year.

I'm excited for our friends to get their hands on it and hear a little bit more of your story and Brooke's story. So for now, I just want to say a huge thank you for your time today. This was really fun.