Episode 143. Living Unbroken In the Midst of Disappointment with Tracie Miles

Unedited Transcript

Tracy. I'm so thrilled to have you today. Thank you for being with me. Thank you for having me. This is so fun. Okay. I am so excited to talk about your new book. I just think this topic is so important. It's called living unbroken, reclaiming your life and your heart after divorce. And I just would love to kind of hear a little bit of the God's story behind the book, right?

Like how did God lead you into like, okay. Yeah. I, I want to share my story. And part of the redemption of, of that is like God using that in the lives of other people and walking alongside them. To live on broken. So I just want to hear a little bit more about your heart for that. Sure. Well, it kind of all began about five and a half years ago.

I had been married for 25 years. Had just had our 25th anniversary and found out that my husband had was being unfaithful. There was a pattern of behaviors and, um, it was kind of the last straw. So basically my marriage just ended abruptly. Overnight. So as you can imagine, your whole world is just turned upside down.

And so it took quite a while to really deal through that recovery process. But part of the recovery process was that I was under a book contract to write two additional books, a contract. I had just gotten like three months prior to the separation happening. So I still had these books that I had to write.

And of course I was ready to turn. Turn it back over to the publisher and say, I can't do this. I can't think straight I'm depressed. I can't stop crying. There's no way I have any words to motivate other people when I can't even barely function every day. And. God used that, which was the book is called unsinkable faith.

And it's all about optimism and positive thinking and retraining the way that you think, because that affects how we feel. And that affects how we live our life. So God used the writing of that book. To actually help my own heart heal. And then after that, I had to write the next one, which was love life again.

And I also used a part of my story because that was another journey. So all of the books that I've written over the past five years have been the things that I'm walking out and living out, not things that I'm riding from the other side of, you know, victory. Um, so that, that's kind of how I got to living in broken because.

I was able to share just a little pieces of my story and the other two books, but I just really the feedback that I received from so many women just around the country was just so amazing, but the need for a book like this, I couldn't find when I needed it. And so a lot of times that's what God calls us to write is that book that you really needed yourself.

So that's kind of it in a nutshell, I love that. Okay. So I want to hear. W, what did you face during that season that maybe surprised you the most or that you would want to maybe encourage a listener with who might be in a similar place like you were in five years ago? What was the thing that maybe surprised you or, um, You would look back now and be like, man, if somebody would have told me that that would have really encouraged me.

Well, I think one of the things that surprised me the most is even though in some ways I almost felt a sense of relief because I knew things had been not well for quite a while. And then, you know, you're trying to just push through and you've got three kids and, you know, just trying to make everything work.

So it was kind of shocking that deep in my heart, I was almost relieved. And it's. And later on, I kind of realized that was a release from God that God had released me from that situation. But I also didn't expect the grief part of that. And that's something I talk about a lot in living in broken, because divorce is especially after a long-term marriage, but really any, any length of any relationship or marriage is the same, but.

It's like a divorce of, you know, your, I mean, a death of the life that you knew, it's mourning the life of a spouse that is no longer in your life, even though they're still living and you just lose so many things. And the grief process is something. Yeah. I really researched and obviously went through myself, but then in hindsight, I'm like, Hey, I did go through those five stages and it's perfectly normal and we have to let ourselves heal that way.

And so, um, that's, that's something I really wanna encourage women with is it's okay to have all these feelings to feel like you're going crazy. Like you can't make it what's wrong with me. What was wrong with me that, you know, or am I enough? Just all the emotions. Excuse me. Self-worth and self-confidence problems that we deal with.

Um, You just need somebody to speak some encouragement into you and the feedback I've gotten from this book so far has just been awesome because women are saying, I thought it was the only one. Yeah. Yeah. Well, and I was so excited when I saw this, just that there is a resource to help walk alongside women that.

You know, coming from a biblical perspective. And I think there's plenty of stuff out there, right? Like there's plenty of, there's plenty of stuff, but that's why I was excited about this because I think you've done a really good job of this very thing. And you spoke to this a little bit, but yeah. How would you want to spur on other women?

So there's going to be women listening who have went through what you went through. There's going to be women listening who are walking alongside another woman going through a divorce or a similar situation. What do we not know? About that journey, um, in terms of how it's taking a toll on her wellbeing and things like that, how can we help?

What's not helpful. Um, you know, I think what's not helpful is almost sometimes more important than what it was helpful. Um, so I'd love for you to just speak to some of those things that might encourage those. I think what's not helpful is number one to say things like you're better off without him, or you're going to be fine, or God's going to work it all out.

Or he, he has a plan and a purpose. You know, all those things may be true, but that's not what you wanted to hear in the moment because your heart is shattered regardless of the situation, you know, you still were in love with someone that is now the chosen to leave in your life. And so those types of goals don't help also.

Not communicating with that person. I had friends that kind of just walked away, not in a mean vindictive type of way, but just because, oh, well she's not a couple now, so we can't ask her to come out or yeah. I'm not sure what to say. So why should I call her? Because what are we going to talk about? I even had one friend say I can't be friends with people that are singing.

Because I'm married and things like that really cut to the core when you're already, probably at the lowest pit emotionally. Um, so that's one reason. I think this book is really good for people that aren't, or haven't gone through separation or divorce as well, because you don't know what's inside the mind of the person dealing with it.

And if I had one person tell me, I can't believe how strong you are and you're getting through this. Uh, if I had a dollar for every one of those people, I'd be rich right now. But honestly, on the inside, I was not feeling strong at all. And I think that's the face that women that we all put on, we need to push through.

We need to put that mask on for our families and our children and our friends. And so we do that. But inside you're right. A mess. And so I think this book really helps give women a peek inside of the woman's head. Who's actually having to walk this path. Yeah, I agree. And this is a totally different life circumstance, but what you're saying reminds me of when my mom went through cancer, she's cancer free now, but, um, she went through breast cancer journey about six years ago.

And we, I can't tell you how many conversations we had. About making a list of all the wrong things to say, when you or your family members are going through something tough. Right. And I mean, we found a similar outcome in that, like the people who just showed up, even if they didn't know what to say, even if they didn't say anything at all.

And even the people who said, you can talk about this as much as you want, or we can not talk about this at all. That's so fine with me though. Those people were the biggest encouragement to us. And that seems to be kind of ringing true in your situation as well. So I love that. I'm also just super excited about the rerelease of your book, stress, less living God centered solutions when you're stretched too thin.

And when I was looking up the book. I was interested to see that it was first published in 2012, right. Like a long time ago. And what's interesting. And what I love is this message is so relevant today just as much or more as it was when you first wrote it. And I would love, I'd love for you to just share a little bit about.

You know, you're going through the process of rereleasing it. So it's, it's top of mind, it's fresh on your mind. And so how do you feel like it's really going to speak to people in the seat?

Well, just like you said, there can't have been a more stressful season than 2020, and still here in 2021 with just the pandemic and unemployment and the political unrest and everything. So this book I did just kind of came up. So it's been a busy year with releasing, living on broken in February. And then this is releasing on August 24th and it's a revised edition.

So it's not just a cookie cutter the same, because a lot has changed in the last 10 years since I wrote it. And God has taught me a lot. And at the time I wrote less living originally, that was my very first book. I didn't even know what stress was. I have experienced, you know, just the toxicity of stress so many times since then, especially with the separation and divorce that I just know what a huge totally can take on you.

And then, you know, just what a, a hot topic it is because everyone's looking for stress management tips. You can find them all over the internet. There's a million books about it. I used to be a corporate trainer and I would teach a lot of stress management classes, but the piece that we find in God and just that inner peace.

Is what's really going to get us through the difficult times that we're experiencing as a country, but also, you know, in our own personal lives. So that was really my heart with that. So I've got little bits and pieces of my story in there and just new experiences that I've had over the last number of years, that just really personify the importance of having God's peace in your heart because every season of life is stressful and it's just a matter of how we, how we handle it, how we approach it and where we turn to, to find.

A permanent piece, not just temporary stress relief. Yeah. Yeah. That's so good. And I'd love for you to just talk a little bit about, you know, what does it look like for us to better rely on the peace of Christ in the midst of stress? That's something that we talk about, but I'd love for you to talk to maybe the woman who feels like that's impossible in her particular situation, how would you want to encourage.

Absolutely. Well, it does feel impossible a lot of times, and it's not. I've had several encounters with God over the past number of years, where I literally realized that I'm so consumed with fear and worry and anxiety that I can't even function. I can't sleep. I can't stop worrying. I can't stop thinking about everything.

And when I truly pray. God, please fill me with peace and take these, these burdens away. Cause they're so heavy and it doesn't always happen overnight, but it will happen and you will suddenly be whistling while you're. What's whistling while you work. Let's say you're driving down the highway way and realize, I feel kind of happy today.

And I haven't thought about that huge, overwhelming problem in hours or days. And you just realize that's what the piece is. It's not that those problems go away. It's not that you might not still need to solve things or there's things taken out that might bring you anxiety, but just, you can still have a peace in the midst of those.

And we can either live. Stressed out, frazzled, overwhelmed, worried, you know, anxiety ridden people. Or we can just ask God if we need to on a daily basis, please give me a piece that you've got things under control that, that peace, that surpasses understanding, which is a cliche, you know, Christian term.

But it does surpass your understanding because you've asked yourself why. Why am I not worrying? Why am I not completely freaked out about, you know, this huge problem that's now facing me or that has been going on for months. And that's when you realize what that term really means when you really shouldn't have pace and it should be impossible, but you actually do.

Yeah. Yeah. That's so good. Okay. I think this is just such great timing and I can't wait for people to get it into their hands. It's cool to think like, Like you said you've had 10 more years of life to kind of process all of this content through. And so I know that's going to be such an encouragement to people.

Um, before we go, I don't want to miss the opportunity to talk about your job job, because you have the coolest job at Proverbs. I. Can't even tell you the profound impact that she speaks and Proverbs has, has had on my life over the last seven or eight years, I listeners will probably have heard pieces of this story, but I saved up like dollars out of every paycheck to go to my first shoe speaks when I first graduated college.

Um, I remember. Pitching my idea to my now agent who gave me a lot of very kind feedback to go work on back in like 2015, I went back in 2018. Um, All the, all that said, it's just, um, really been a catalyst to my writing and my ministry. And so, um, you are the director of compelled or the writing training for Proverbs.

And I just would love to hear, like, what is your favorite part about your job? Thank you. I'm glad to be able to talk about compelled training. Yeah, my favorite part. Yeah. We have thousands of women that are members of compelled training, and we get to encourage them every day. They're there. They, God has placed a message on their hearts and they need encouragement.

They need training, they need wisdom, any teaching, and we were able to bring them. All of those things from published authors and from industry professionals and agents and editors, and you know, all the people that know what the behind the scenes look at, what needs to happen so that they can get their message published and out into the world, whether it's in a book or they want to be a blogger or a podcaster, or what have you, we just give them that training.

So. It's really, really personally rewarding just to see the comments and the feedback that we get and the impact that it makes. Yeah. No, I love that. That's so good. And, um, I just, I could not encourage our listeners enough to join if that's not something that you already are invested in, if that is a dream of yours.

Um, to write a book or start a podcast, get some type of message out into the world. It's just great, great stuff. So I'm grateful, um, for you guys and for your role there. That's so, so awesome. So what we're going to do now is go on over to our Patrion community to get to know Tracy a little bit better, and we get to talk about some just really fun stuff.

So for our friends who are subscribed on Patrion, make sure you listen to our bonus conversation with Tracy. But, um, before we go, Tracy, I want you to share where can people connect with you, find your books, all the things. Yeah. Well, I have a blog it's Tracy miles.com and Tracy's with an I E, which is a little unusual.

And then of course on all the social media outlets and the book's available at Amazon and the Proverbs 31 bookstore and any retail, any retail outlet for books. Awesome. Good deal. Okay. Well, girl, I am so thankful for you. Thank you for being with me today. Thank you for having me.